Thursday, April 1, 2010

Back to the Boob

After weeks of pumping, bottle feeding and occasional BFing. I finally am motivated to go back to full-time breast feeding. While I am pumping I miss quality time with Ant and I am missing that bonding time with him. So, I sucked it up and FINALLY called the lactation consultant (LC)yesterday.

Calling the LC was exactly what I needed. It took her awhile to respond but I finally got an email around 5pm yesterday. She said she was happy to consult with me but also told me about her FREE BFing support group that met that day at 6:30pm. At first I wasn't going to go to the support group but the more I thought about it the more I wanted to go.

At support group there were 3 other mothers there, usually there are more but due to March having 5 Weds the schedule was off. During support group we discussed birth stories and BFing issues. When I told my story about how I didn't get to BF for 24hrs the LC was appalled that they wouldn't let me BF sooner. Of course I continued with to story about how we ended up pumping full-time. I felt so out of place in this group because all 3 of them were BFing and I was pumping. I also felt those same pains of jealousy that I felt when someone else was pregnant. Why was BFing so hard for me? The whys were over powering me. To my surprise all 3 were very supportive and a little jealous that I already had 5oz of breast milk frozen in my fridge.

By the end of the support group it was time for Ant to eat. Silly mommy didn't bring a bottle because support group was only suppose to last an hour and we should have been fine. I figure well I guess I better BF him now since I had no other way to feed him. It was amazing he latched right on with the coaching of the LC. After he ate we weighted him again and he had eating 1oz. It was such an amazing feeling to be successful. We decided to give the other side a try and he latched on pretty good. By the end of BFing he had eating about 2oz of breast milk. YAHOOO!!! It is really nice having the scale there so you know exactly how much they have had. Also the other good news is that when we first weighted Ant he was 7lbs 14oz. He has gained another 4oz since Monday!

I learned so much at the support group yesterday and I look forward to the next one. I left feeling confident in my abilities to feed my son.

As for last night, it wasn't as easy as it was in support group to BF. I felt those feeling of failure brewing up inside as Ant struggled to latch. The Ped just has me so concerned about his weight that no matter how great a feeding goes I still wonder if he got enough to continue gaining weight. To ease my fears for a few days I think we are going to continue to bottle feed a few feedings a day. I just need that visual reassurance that he is getting enough. Also I think I am going to still schedule a private consult with the LC. I think both Ant and I could use another boost in our self confidence when it comes to BFing.


  1. Yeah! Glad you are feeling better about it. It definitely sounds like the group was just what you needed for a boost (plus the timing of things with him hungry and no bottle available sounds like more then coincidence to me) Good luck :)

  2. Wow, Susan, that just made me cry. Yes, that's exactly the emotional dilemma. You know "regular" breastfeeding is better for bonding, more convient, simpler, and more socially acceptable, but there are so many fears after having weight issues and latching issues. Even when he latches and seems to drink well, you still have this underlying terror of the scale.

    My only words of consolation are: this all shall pass. There will be a day when weigh-ins will be all fun and no fear, and there will be a day when you just have to drag that old pump out of the clost so you can go on a date with Doug.

    Yes, definitely call her for a private consult. She has lots of great tips, especially if he's still having any tongue issues. And she brings a great sense of calm.

    You're doing a great job. There will be easier seasons ahead.

  3. Hang in there Susan. I'm so glad you found an LC and a support group! Every mama should have a BF support group. Seriously everyone needs a little help! So please don't feel you are any different. You'll get it and it will get easier each day!!! :) Before you know it you'll hit that mark where litterally it seems harder not to breastfeed. :) Chin up! You're doing it! Day by day!
    :) Cat (aka-Kitty)

  4. Glad that you found the support group!! I hope the breastfeeding thing gets easier