Monday, June 27, 2011

Different Worlds

This past week I was visiting my family.  As I have mentioned many times my family is VERY fertile.  I often dread visiting them because of this.  After a great conversation with my mother about bonding (read more here) with Ant, I was starting to feel on the same page as my mother (for the first time in awhile).

The last morning we were at my parents' house my mother and I went for a walk.  I was telling her about my brother and how frustrated I am with him.  His wife is currently pregnant with their 2nd set of NATURAL twins (her 3rd set).  At times it is hard for me to be happy for them because I desire another child but I am unsure it that will ever happen.  I was telling my mom how I bit my tongue when my brother mentioned that they really didn't want more kids.  I knew he didn't mean it in that way but I know 2 more babies is going to put ALOT of extra stress on him and SIL.  I also revealed to my mother why I was really upset with them.  Out of anyone in our immediate family, they are the only ones who haven't gotten Ant a single gift.  I know money is tight but seriously all I am asking for is a little outfit or something?!?  Just to acknowledge that he exsists.  Dumb reason to be upset but I am.

My mother then said to me, "Susan we all come from different experiences.  They don't understand your infertility and you don't understand what SIL has been through."

As much as I hate to admit it but my mother is right (sssshhh don't tell my mom) :)

I guess the point I am trying to make is we all come from different life experiences and this is why I share my feeling so opening on this blog.  At times I have considered making my blog more private so my family couldn't read it.  To my surprise I found out my brother reads my blog.  I have a hard time talking to my brother about what is going on, so I am glad he is reading to get an idea of what is going on in my life.

At times I am harsh when talking about my family but this is my release.  This is my safe place to express my feelings.  Sometimes it is easier for me to write then to actually tell them how I am feeling.  As frustrating as it is to watch our fertile friends produce more and more children while we struggle but most likely they have their own story that we don't know about.  Knowing all their stories doesn't make my infertility easier, but it does give me an understanding that they have struggles also.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Which State Uses IVF the Most?

The United States of IVF - State IVF Rates and Rankings - Map Infographic
Via: Fertility Nation

It is interesting that the state I live in is #3.  Makes sense why people are so supportive.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Shirt For Ant

Cool Tees, T-Shirts and Gift Ideas From Stupid And Funny T Shirt Gifts

I am looking for a cute T-shirt for Ant. I really like this one. What is your favorite A.R.T. shirt for infants or toddlers?

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Cycle #2

(TMI WARNING, If you are a man and don’t want to hear about Aunt Flow (AF) then don’t read this post)

Cycle #2 has come and gone already.  It was an almost 27 day cycle but AF was only 2 days long.  To top it off my cycle was only 2 days long and very light.  There was no heavy day and I think I used about 6 pads, if that.  I haven’t consulted with Dr. Google but I may. 

If I compare this AF to cycle #1 it was definitely lighter.  I have a few ideas why my cycle is so short:
  1.  Since I am still breastfeeding so often my hormones aren't in full swing yet.
  2.  I am going into full fledged Premature Ovarian Failure.

Part of me thinks this is the IFer in side of me just overreacting (most likely the case) but it is hard not worry.    

Friday Photo (a little late)

Sorry I am a little late with this one but was without internet for several days.  It was nice living in a world of no internet and no cell phone but I am happy to have it all back.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Tomorrow is my last day of work till August.  Since the school year started I have been counting down to this day and now it is upon me.  There is so much going on the next 2 months jury duty, family vacations, play dates, and maybe a little grad school.  I can't believe I am going to be able to do all of this in 2 months.

As I stood in my empty classroom today I found myself thinking about how things are different this year from last year.  Last year I left my classroom thinking I wasn't coming back.  I was convinced that I was going to be trying out a new career path.  Needless to say that didn't work out and I am still teaching.  In some ways I am glad this happened because over the last year I have rediscovered my love of teaching.  After 3 years of infertility it is refreshing to be living my life again.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

15 Months

Weight: 23lbs (with clothes and cloth diaper on) For some reason after they are a year they don't need to be naked anymore for weigh-ins.
Height: 30 1/2in
Breastfeeding: Great!!! Yes, we are still nursing and loving it.  On a work day he is nursing about 4 times a day.  On the he nurses more because I am around.  It is hard to count because many of those are snacks.  As for pumping I went through about 2 weeks where I pumped at work again.  I just stopped again and feeling very comfortable with that decision.
New Tricks: Well Ant has been walking for about 2 months now.  Right around 13months he started walking and hasn't slowed down.  He is also has started to walk backwards sometimes.  There is so much he is doing right now it is hard to keep track of everything.
Signing: New signs are bird, grandpa, and cracker, Aunt.
Words: Currently Ant has a vocabulary of about 30+ words.  It seems like he is learning new words all the time. Mama, Dada, Mimi (grandma), Papa (grandpa), Grandpa, tree, star, car, ball, door, cat, dog, sky, Elmo, plane, cracker, eat, food, milk, night night, bath, shoes, socks, balloon, bear, golf club, golf ball, book, duck, uncle, hi, bye bye.  He is also making animal sounds such as meow (cat), eee-eee (monkey), whoo whoo (owl), quack (duck). I am sure I forgot at least a few words he is saying.
Sleep: Night time sleep is great.  He sometimes gets up once to nurse but he sleep from about 7 to 7.  Nap-time we just switched to 1 nap because the 2 naps became unreliable.  
Favorite Toy: His golf clubs and golf balls.  He second favorite is Elmo.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

DE Story: Mommy's Garden

I was reading Keiko's blog "Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed" and she had a great post about a way to tell a DE child their story.  The story of the mother and daughter was absolutely amazing and was very inspirational.  I am getting some good ideas for when Ant is older.  How have you told your DE child about their conception?

Monday, June 6, 2011

I Can't Ignore the Signs

I am finding life before my first cycle, so much easier.  After we decided on using donor eggs, I also decided that I never wanted to use birth control ever again.  If on the off chance that I did have a good egg, I didn't want to miss it.  The last 2yrs have been bliss for me, no AF and not worrying about "trying" to get pregnant.

Granted, I am only in cycle #1 post Ant but I was hoping I could avoid worrying about it.  At this point it isn't working.  It is hard to miss egg white cervical mucus, at least for me. It was unlucky lucky for DH because I was ready to do some baby making. Today (for a second) I even considered calling my OB and getting on birth control.  The hormones are making me crazy or just the idea of TTC makes me crazy.

I thought at first I wouldn't think about TTC, since I know a 40 year old has a better chance of getting pregnant then I do.  But all the positive mumbo-jumbo that everyone spouts is getting to my head.

"Pregnancy heals you."
"#2 will be easier."
"You will be more relaxed"

I just really need to get out of my head!!! Maybe I should consider birth control? NOT!!!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

How Life Has Changed

I meet my friend Lucy several years ago at a IF support group.  After several weeks of going to group Lucy, Wendy and I really hit it off.  One week group was canceled, so the 3 of us got together and had our own little group.  Just over 2 years go Wendy and I found out we were pregnant with our DE babies but Lucy's IUI ended up getting canceled :(  Wendy and I were bummed out that Lucy's cycle didn't work but we had hope she would join the preggo club soon.  Lucy did join us just a few months later.  The 3 of us enjoyed our 3 very different pregnancies.

I was thinking about this because yesterday we attended C's (Lucy's son) 1st birthday party.  To see the 4 boys playing together was surreal.  To think they didn't even exist 2 years ago.  Our lives are so blessed. It is fun to think, iff the 3 of us weren't infertile we would have NEVER met.  Infertility is hard but it can also create the best friendships.