Looks

Recently I have been thinking about who Ant looks like. YES, he looks like his dad but the other day I peaked at the DONOR'S profile. While I was looking at her picture I could see the resemblance between Ant and her. Really it is no big deal but it has got me thinking. What it means and how I feel about it, I really don't know. It is just a confused feeling

We knew going into this that he might "look" like me but that would be pure luck. But in some ways it is just hard for me to wrap my head around. Part of me wants to post her picture but at the same time so you can see it too. But I want to protect her identity and protect my little Ant.

If our donor was one of my sisters I don't think I would be so weirded out about this. If we had had the chance to meet our donor I don't know if I would have wanted to. For me I like this separation. I fear someday Ant will up and leave me for this women (I know that sounds crazy) but the fear is there. Maybe I will feel differently in the future.

"He has your nose"

I thought for sure it would bother me if people told me Ant doesn't look like me. Or when they stare at him and say, "I think he has your nose." Maybe he does but it is pure dumb luck.

Yesterday our family of 3 took a trip to my work, it was the band and string concert. This was also the first time many of the parents would meet my son. Ant and I have taken a few trips to school but all during the day. After the concert we were flocked with parents and students. Since I have been teaching at my school for 6 years now I know many of the parents.

The families that I knew would come up and ogle at Ant. They would look at him and then at me. Then tell me how beautiful he is. My favorite comment was, "Girl, you might have carried him but he is all daddy."

In all honesty I wasn't sure how I would handle comments about who he looked like or people telling me he looked like me or he didn't. It turns out it is more of a joke to me. I have to hold back a smirk when they tell me he looks like me.

As for people at work most of them know he is a DE baby. I have made no secret about my struggles to become a mother. The reason I am so open is because if one of them is having issues I would hope they would feel comfortable enough to come and talk to me. As for the parents of my students very few of them know. It just hasn't ever come up in conversation. Will I ever tell them? Maybe. But till they ask or we talk about it I am just going to have to laugh on the inside as they struggle to find something of his that looks like me.