Pump is Retired!

As of today I am finally retiring my pump for a week and a half. After a weekend in Chicago for a wedding, I finally have the confidence that I can feed Ant without the assistance of a pump, bottles, and supplementing. Actually when I first weighed him I was nervous because he still wasn't over 14lbs (but he hadn't eaten in awhile). So throughout the course of 2hrs at the meeting he at 6oz from me!!! So by the time we left support group he was well over 14lbs!!!

I am so excited to have finally reached this point in our breastfeeding saga but I am also saddened that it will be short lived. I return to my teaching job in just over a week, so I am will be back to pumping and bottles. On the bright side at least we made it to this point and we have weekends.

It is absolutely amazing how fast Ant changes. Just in the last week has be come so aware of his surroundings. While he is nursing he has decided he doesn't like the "Hooter Hider" anymore. He wants to see the world as he eats. For me personally I am OK with nursing in public but I know it makes people uncomfortable. So in those situations I will be as discrete as possible but it is my right to nursing him in public.

LOL...it is crazy how much I have changed. I have turned into a cloth diapering, breastfeeding, hippy mommy. Underneath though I still have the feels of an IFer. As I have come to accept some of those feelings will never go away.

Here are some pictures from our trip!!!

This is my favorite picture of Ant...to bad it isn't with mommy or daddy.

Back to the Boob

After weeks of pumping, bottle feeding and occasional BFing. I finally am motivated to go back to full-time breast feeding. While I am pumping I miss quality time with Ant and I am missing that bonding time with him. So, I sucked it up and FINALLY called the lactation consultant (LC)yesterday.

Calling the LC was exactly what I needed. It took her awhile to respond but I finally got an email around 5pm yesterday. She said she was happy to consult with me but also told me about her FREE BFing support group that met that day at 6:30pm. At first I wasn't going to go to the support group but the more I thought about it the more I wanted to go.

At support group there were 3 other mothers there, usually there are more but due to March having 5 Weds the schedule was off. During support group we discussed birth stories and BFing issues. When I told my story about how I didn't get to BF for 24hrs the LC was appalled that they wouldn't let me BF sooner. Of course I continued with to story about how we ended up pumping full-time. I felt so out of place in this group because all 3 of them were BFing and I was pumping. I also felt those same pains of jealousy that I felt when someone else was pregnant. Why was BFing so hard for me? The whys were over powering me. To my surprise all 3 were very supportive and a little jealous that I already had 5oz of breast milk frozen in my fridge.

By the end of the support group it was time for Ant to eat. Silly mommy didn't bring a bottle because support group was only suppose to last an hour and we should have been fine. I figure well I guess I better BF him now since I had no other way to feed him. It was amazing he latched right on with the coaching of the LC. After he ate we weighted him again and he had eating 1oz. It was such an amazing feeling to be successful. We decided to give the other side a try and he latched on pretty good. By the end of BFing he had eating about 2oz of breast milk. YAHOOO!!! It is really nice having the scale there so you know exactly how much they have had. Also the other good news is that when we first weighted Ant he was 7lbs 14oz. He has gained another 4oz since Monday!

I learned so much at the support group yesterday and I look forward to the next one. I left feeling confident in my abilities to feed my son.

As for last night, it wasn't as easy as it was in support group to BF. I felt those feeling of failure brewing up inside as Ant struggled to latch. The Ped just has me so concerned about his weight that no matter how great a feeding goes I still wonder if he got enough to continue gaining weight. To ease my fears for a few days I think we are going to continue to bottle feed a few feedings a day. I just need that visual reassurance that he is getting enough. Also I think I am going to still schedule a private consult with the LC. I think both Ant and I could use another boost in our self confidence when it comes to BFing.