Sunday, December 26, 2010

Merry Christmas and 10 months

I know I am a little late on the holiday post but better late then never. If it makes your feel better sent of the rest of our Christmas cards today. Yes, they are late but hey I sent them.

Just the other day I was talking with a dear friend who is still in the throws of IF. She wasn't looking forward to the holidays. She just had a m/c and the next steps in her infertility journey were daunting. As she told me how she
was feeling I was having flash back to Christmas 2008. We were visiting family. My great escape was the "Twilight" books. I don't think I would have survived otherwise. As I have said before my in-laws are great but my family doesn't understand IF. I guess being "Fertile Mertiles" is why they don't. They never had to try they always just got pregnant. I remember being surrounded and all my family talked about was babies. My sister just had my nephew a month ago and my SIL had 1 year old twins (natural). I was in fertility hell. To top it off we were gearing up for our last IVF with my eggs.

When you are in the throws of IF you don't realize how your life can or will change. All you can think about is the moment you are in. For me 2 years ago it was fertility hell and this year heaven. Wow!

We had a great first Christmas, minus me being sick most of it. It wasn't perfect but it was what it was. What was perfect was we bought Ant his Christmas ornament with his name and birth date on it. While we doing our Christmas shopping we came across it and had to have it. Glad we did! While we were in the process of purchasing and getting it engraved I got teary-eyed. I never thought I would cry over something so small but this ornament symbolized to me the family we had finally created.

Can you believe it?!? Ant is 10months!!! When did that happen?

Weight: Don't know I will tell you tomorrow. My guess is 19lbs+
Eating: We have a big boy! Yesterday he had spaghetti with meat sauce. He will eat almost anything I give him. I tried giving him a step 3 baby food the other day and he just spit out the chunks...LOL. It was really hard not to laugh, well never mind I did laugh. It doesn't makes sense because he eats solids but doesn't like solid chunks in his puree.
New Tricks: Crusing!! We will have a walker soon!! He will crusie all around the house.
Favorite Toy: Fisher Price Laugh and Learn was his Christmas present from us. Best toy EVER!!!
Sleep: Naps are great! He seems to be dropping his morning nap sometimes but when he does he takes 1 long nap. Night sleep is a different story. He sleeps about 12hrs at night but he wakes up 2 times (midnight and 4am). I think he is reverse cycling since he doesn't have a lot of milk at daycare. I am ok with the 2 night feedings but on those rare night he wakes up 3 times...UGH!!! What happened to the baby that I had to wake up in the middle of the night to eat.

(It snowed on Christmas day and I put Ant in his snow suit so we could have a picture. He was not pleased)

Friday, December 10, 2010


Recently I have been thinking about who Ant looks like. YES, he looks like his dad but the other day I peaked at the DONOR'S profile. While I was looking at her picture I could see the resemblance between Ant and her. Really it is no big deal but it has got me thinking. What it means and how I feel about it, I really don't know. It is just a confused feeling

We knew going into this that he might "look" like me but that would be pure luck. But in some ways it is just hard for me to wrap my head around. Part of me wants to post her picture but at the same time so you can see it too. But I want to protect her identity and protect my little Ant.

If our donor was one of my sisters I don't think I would be so weirded out about this. If we had had the chance to meet our donor I don't know if I would have wanted to. For me I like this separation. I fear someday Ant will up and leave me for this women (I know that sounds crazy) but the fear is there. Maybe I will feel differently in the future.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Have I mentioned I am a babywearing addict?

I love carrying Ant! If I have the choice of using his stroller or wearing him, I almost always pick wearing him. Today I am going to talk about one of my recent discoveries, The Ergo. I knew about the Ergo early on but for some reason I picked the Baby Bjorn (dumb move). My brother and sister-in-law had two Ergos, one for each twin. During a Family camping trip I actually carried both of them on a walk. They were heavy but I was balanced.
Now for some reason I forgot how awesome these carriers were but now that I have my own I am in love with the Ergo all over again. Don't get me wrong I still love my Moby but when you have a active little one you have less time to wrap yourself up.


  • Quick and easy to put on
  • You can nurse on the go
  • Head cover (great for when Ant falls asleep)
  • Easy on the back
  • Can be used up to 35lbs (I have heard 40lbs also)
  • Can wear them on your back and side (we haven't tired these yet)
  • You can nurse on the go


  • Baby can't face out (I don't think this is a negative because they can turn their heads and you can always wear them on your side.)
  • With younger babies you have to buy an insert (I don't have personal experience with this since I didn't buy it till Ant was almost 7months)

As you can see it is really hard for me to come up with negatives for the Ergo because it is AWESOME! Ant loves to be close to me and the Ergo makes it so easy. If I could go back and get the Ergo instead of the Baby Bjorn I would.

One last note on The Ergo. On our return flights I chose to use the Ergo. Ant fell asleep in it once we reach while we were in the Atlanta Airport. As we walked around to find dinner Ant comfortably slept. When we got on the plane I just wore him on. Once I got in my seat I release the top straps and if he would have still been asleep it wouldn't have woken him up. I actually wore the Ergo on the plane and it didn't bother me. When it was time to get off I just hugged Ant and strapped him back in.

I will give you my review on the Baby Bjorn last since it is my least favorite. Coming up soon is another favorite the Maya Wrap. For breastfeeding Moms on the go it is a MUST have. I would also love to try the Baby Ktan but I am waiting to find a deal to warrant the purchase. Since I have 2 Mobys, 1 Baby Bjorn, 1 Ergo, and a Maya Wrap; I am sure DH thinks I am crazy that I want another baby carrier. I also think babywearing has contributed to my desire to have another child. I want to wear another baby :)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Bio Mom?!

My mother and I were in the kitchen talking about many different things. I was talking with her about DH's cholesterol issues and how it seemed to be a family trait. I believe I said something about hoping Ant didn't have these issues. And then my mother responded, "Does the BIO MOM have a history of high cholesterol?"


I know my mother meant no harm by it but for me it was out of left field. I am Ant's bio mother! I carried him for 9months. This brings me back to discussion I have had with other DE moms. As DE parents we really need to share the correct vocabulary with our families. What I did was I just ignored it and kept on going in the conversation.

Now that I have a clear head I want to go back and talk to my mom about it. It actually hurt me a little when she said "Bio Mom" and wasn't referring to me. What should she be called? She is the "DONOR" nothing more and nothing less. She is the women who "DONATED" one cell so I could experience pregnancy and create a child with my DH. For all the grandmothers of DE children out there please DON'T call the Donor the "Bio Mom."

Let me go back a minute to how it made me feel or how it might make others feel. For mother DE parents it has taken us years to conceive a child after many failures. Most of us already feel vulnerable. Now to hear someone very close to you call someone else the mother of your child is like getting punch when you are already down. Granted, I know my mother and she meant nothing by it doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

As for talking with my mom about it, I haven't yet. She might actually read my blog first or my Dad will and he will tell her. Or maybe I will suck it up and just tell her.

I guess the point I am trying to make is we need to share the correct vocabulary with our families. If we don't then we might get a punch or a kick when we least expect it.