Saturday, September 26, 2009

They Know

This week was a very busy week, baby boy revealed himself and I was also exposed for what I am by my students (their pregnant teacher). The neatest thing about being a teacher is you never know what your students are going to say or when they are going to say it. I am assuming my student's parents taught them good manners because most of them were afraid to ask me if I was pregnant. Well here is how the reveal happened:

I was teaching one of my 4th grade classes. Right now we are learning about rhythm and using drums to help with this process. I was in the middle of teaching my students an ostinato (musical pattern) and one of my students speaks out, "Mrs. Q are you pregnant." Deep inside I am laughing but I ignore and keep on teaching. A few minutes later I stop look at the student who shouted out and say, "Johnny the answer to your questions is yes." Then I go back to teaching.

You should have seen the looks on my students faces...priceless. You could see their little brains turning? "What did Johnny ask?" Then it clicked and their eyes got all big and about 20 little hands shot up in the air. I quickly told them I would answer all the questions I had answers to at the end of class.

Most of their questions were normal questions such as: "How far along are you?" "Will we get to see the baby?" "Is baby a boy or girl?" None of these surprised me. Of course one of them tried to push the limits and ask the dreaded questions of where babies come from. I knew he was just trying to see if he could get me to answer it. This is why I waited till the end of class, so I wouldn't have time to answer it.

Since I am a music teacher and have about 19 different classes I knew my job of telling my students wasn't over but I thought the news of me having a baby would spread quickly. I was wrong about that though. After 2 days passed I realized that I would have to tell my students if I wanted them to know. I decided to start with my choruses. When I told my 4th grade chorus they weren't surprised because most of them already knew. All I really had to do was field some questions on how that would change things for them.

My 5th grade chorus was another story. When I told them they screamed with excitement. I had taught most of these kids since they were in 1st grade, so in the last couple years they had asked me several times if I had kids. I love my students and especially my 5th grade chorus. They drive me batty some days but they are just amazing kids.

I am so glad the word is out and I am not waiting for the shoe to drop anymore. Now I can just enjoy my students and my pregnancy at the same time. Also, if baby moves or kicks I can share that moment with them. Already some of my 5th grade girls are feeling my belly. I thought this might bother me but I enjoy it (as long as they ask).

Thursday, September 24, 2009

It's a...


Today we had our anatomy sonogram. Usually they wait till at least 18 weeks but since daddy was going to be gone we got to go in a little early. Everything looks perfect so far and he was very active. He seemed to not want to let the sono tech see certain parts like his head but he was very willing to show of his boy parts. I think we saw them at least 5 times. This was the best part. I some how had convinced myself that he was a she...LOL. I think this is the reason he showed us. He was telling me "Mommy stop calling me a girl!"

Friday, September 11, 2009

I chose to be childless for 3 years?

One of my dear friends sent me the link to this article in the New York Times. It is written by a women who underwent IF treatments but after failed IVF decided to live a childless life. This article intrigued me since I know some way and some how I wanted to be a parent. I have found the danger of writing a article about IF for the general public is you have people who don't understand IF respond. Here is one comment that hit me hard.

"It is interesting to me that most women who are infertile speak of their childless state as though it is something out of their control. They need to be honest and admit that being childless is their choice. There are literally millions of children out there who need good homes. If your goals are family and motherhood, why is adoption given such short shrift? Why not just be honest and admit that family and parenting aren’t your goals, but rather genetic preservation or perhaps just the state of being pregnant? While Ms. Little cursorily addresses adoption by demeaning those who have suggested it to her and tries to save face by praising those who do adopt, it doesn’t seem to me that she has honestly examined her motives for not wanting to consider adoption."— ML

My problem with her comment is that she is saying that I was choosing to be childless. Obviously, she has never dealt with IF because no one chooses IF. Yes, I choose not to adopt but that was because I wanted to experience the joy of being pregnant and feeling my child grow inside of me. Also as a mother to be of a donor egg baby genetics aren't the most important thing to me. Yes, I dreamed of having my own biological child but I came to a point where it was more important to be pregnant and carry my child then biology. Other IF couples who adopt come to the same conclusion but decided it is more important to parent then have a biological child.

I think infertilies who decide not to adopt are misunderstood. Adoption isn't for everyone and is a long expensive process. I know several people who adopted children and they understand that it is a choice. Adoption isn't a guaranteed thing, I have heard many stories from couples who went through failed adoptions. If this couple went through IF treatments they have already been through lots of disappointment. They just might be to vulnerable to go through that disappointment again. I guess my point here is "just adopt" is never an appropriate answer to IF.

People who didn't live through IF won't ever completely understand the pain and disappointment it causes. IF has changed my life and has changed many of my views. Looking back on my 3 year journey to my baby, I wouldn't go back and change much. I just hope other can learn from my struggles.

PS. To my fertile friends, don't worry I still love you and I know you understand my struggles to the best of your ability. Thank you for your support during my journey. I was lucky to have understanding friends and I count my blessings daily.

Monday, September 7, 2009

OB Buzz Kill

I think being someone who struggled for years to get pregnant created unreal expectations of OB visits. It was so exciting to finally be pregnant and it is great seeing the smile on your RE's face at the end of each u/s. IFers are spoiled and when I finally got to the OB I was disappointed. First of all I expected a u/s at my first appointment. I though all OB's wanted to see the baby right? NOPE!! We just got bored to death with a list of questions. I felt bad for DH because he hadn't seen baby since my 6 week u/s due to his work schedule.

Friday was my 13 week OB visit and I got myself all excited to go again. Also over the last week I started to worry about the baby because I was finally starting to feel better. Instead of realizing my body was finally adjusting to hormones I freaked out and thought something was wrong with the baby. The days leading up to my appointment I was worried that more parents or my students would start asking me if I was pregnant. I was nervous to answer since I hadn't seen baby since my 8th week u/s.

The day of my appointment finally arrived. I could hardly contain my excitement because I was either going to hear baby's heartbeat for the first time or find out the worst. DH and I got to the appointment and we both waited with nervous anticipation. My OB came in and asked me the normal questions. We discussed a few test results and she asked me again if I was ever tested for fragile X. I never did this test because I firmly believe I don't have it and this is a donor baby so it doesn't matter if I have fragile X. It annoyed me because she asked me at my last appointment and I already told her once that this baby was a donor egg baby.

We finally get to the point where she gets the Doppler out so we can hear baby's heartbeat for the first time. It took a few second but before I knew it I heard the wush wush of baby's heart. It brought tears to my eyes and DH smiled. I could have listened to baby's heartbeat for days but we only got a few seconds before my OB removed the Doppler and that was it. Appointment over!!

I guess the hardest thing for me to understand is my OB's lack of excitement. This baby is a miracle and was 3 years in the making can't you muster up some excitement? Maybe it is the fact that I don't have a relationship with my OB. I haven't been seeing her for years and she never treated any part of my IF. She was just the OB that I had to see. Am I asking to much wanting her to be excited with me? Do other IFers have the same experience with their OB's?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

He who should not be named

Last week I finally started feeling better. I think it had a lot to do with being done with progesterone and del estrogen. I was truly starting to feel like myself again and was starting to feel like I could eat anything again, within reason of course. This weekend I guess I took it a little to far because BB revolted and decided to be picky about food again....LOL. My child already has a mind of her/his own.

Now let me get to my Harry Potter reference. I have noticed any time I tweet or post on my facebook page about not vomiting, the next thing I know I am puking up my Fruit Loops. Yes, I eat Fruit Loops. They are one of the few breakfast foods that I keep down on a regular basis. I was soo proud because I had made it over a week without vomiting . I had even texted my Mother-in-law to tell her the good news. Not even 12 hours later, I vomited.

So this is my official decree, NO MORE VOMIT TALK.