This Week at Fertility Authority: A Guide to Picking an Egg Donor

This weeks blog is about picking an egg donor.  Please share your tips on picking an egg donor or what characteristics were at the top of your list.

Am I a cynic?

Lately I have been finding myself error on the side of caution when people ask me if we are having a second child.  I used to tell them, “hopefully!”  Now I find myself saying , “Ant will most likely be an only child.”  Why am I changing my tune?

The eternal optimist in me wants to say we will have a second but the realist that I have become realizes it is a long shot.  I believe these changes have to do with the fact, that now we have Ant.  As much as I want a second, I don’t want to risk his well being on another.  It would be between another 15K- 30K+ for #2 if the FET doesn’t work.  This is the downside to DE.  If my eggs were good my insurance would cover the procedure but that isn’t the case for us. 

Recently I was talking with DH about our little totsicle.   I told him I was considering just donating our little totsicle to someone else and just be happy with Ant.  My thinking was that if we went through we the FET (in a couple years) and it didn’t work then my desire for #2 would be greater.  If we just donated our little totsicle now we could just live our lives as they are now, with Ant.  Unfortunately/Fortunately DH disagrees and wants to do the FET (whenever I am ready).

My fear is if we do the FET it will make me depressed and unhappy with what I already have.  I LOVE Ant and I would love to share that love with another child.  Do I want to risk my happiness on the possibility on even more happiness?  Is it worth the possible heartache?

"Being Young Means You Don't Have to Worry About Infertility"

Before we even started TTC conceive, I had people telling me no need to rush you are still young.  I was 24 when we first started TTC.  So, you would assume that it would have been easy and by now we would have 2+ kids. 

I think back to my college days when the signs of my possible infertility starting showing up.  I believe I was a Junior in college and I started having irregular cycles.  My mother told me it was stress and my OB's solution was to try progesterone to see if that helped.  The first few cycles after the progesterone were fine but then my cycles got all wonky again.  I opted to go on birth control to normalize my cycle.  My OB never did any test to figure out why my cycle was off.  If I knew then what I know now I would have asked for more test.

Fast forward several years later, I am married and we had been TTC for over a year.  I made an appointment to see my OB to get a referral to see the RE and talk to her about my cycle because I was having the wonky cycles again.  Her solution was to give me a pregnancy test and proceed to tell me how she got a previous couple pregnant in 1 month.  She was NO help and actually destroyed me mentally.  I knew I wasn't pregnant and she didn't listen to my concerns. 

During our whole time of TTC I can't count how many time we were told that "your were still young" and "don't worry."  All of that stopped the day we got my day 3 blood work back.  It went from "you are young" to
"It is to late." 
"Your FSH is high."
"You need "donor egg."

To all the young ladies out there who have off cycles.  Don't let your OB/DR tell you nothing is wrong.  Have them figure out the cause of your wonky cycles.  Don't wait till you are TTC because then it might be to late.  Be your own advocate.

This blog was written for National Infertility Awareness Week.  If you would like more information about infertility just click on the link.

Looks

Recently I have been thinking about who Ant looks like. YES, he looks like his dad but the other day I peaked at the DONOR'S profile. While I was looking at her picture I could see the resemblance between Ant and her. Really it is no big deal but it has got me thinking. What it means and how I feel about it, I really don't know. It is just a confused feeling

We knew going into this that he might "look" like me but that would be pure luck. But in some ways it is just hard for me to wrap my head around. Part of me wants to post her picture but at the same time so you can see it too. But I want to protect her identity and protect my little Ant.

If our donor was one of my sisters I don't think I would be so weirded out about this. If we had had the chance to meet our donor I don't know if I would have wanted to. For me I like this separation. I fear someday Ant will up and leave me for this women (I know that sounds crazy) but the fear is there. Maybe I will feel differently in the future.

Bio Mom?!

My mother and I were in the kitchen talking about many different things. I was talking with her about DH's cholesterol issues and how it seemed to be a family trait. I believe I said something about hoping Ant didn't have these issues. And then my mother responded, "Does the BIO MOM have a history of high cholesterol?"

WTF?!?

I know my mother meant no harm by it but for me it was out of left field. I am Ant's bio mother! I carried him for 9months. This brings me back to discussion I have had with other DE moms. As DE parents we really need to share the correct vocabulary with our families. What I did was I just ignored it and kept on going in the conversation.

Now that I have a clear head I want to go back and talk to my mom about it. It actually hurt me a little when she said "Bio Mom" and wasn't referring to me. What should she be called? She is the "DONOR" nothing more and nothing less. She is the women who "DONATED" one cell so I could experience pregnancy and create a child with my DH. For all the grandmothers of DE children out there please DON'T call the Donor the "Bio Mom."

Let me go back a minute to how it made me feel or how it might make others feel. For mother DE parents it has taken us years to conceive a child after many failures. Most of us already feel vulnerable. Now to hear someone very close to you call someone else the mother of your child is like getting punch when you are already down. Granted, I know my mother and she meant nothing by it doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

As for talking with my mom about it, I haven't yet. She might actually read my blog first or my Dad will and he will tell her. Or maybe I will suck it up and just tell her.

I guess the point I am trying to make is we need to share the correct vocabulary with our families. If we don't then we might get a punch or a kick when we least expect it.

Who does he look like?

The answer to that question is he looks like Ant. He looks like the person he is suppose to look like. All that put aside I think he looks like DH and my FIL. When the IL's came to visit FIL brought pictures of everyone as babies. As of right now he looks most like my FIL's baby picture. When my parents were up visiting they also talked about how much he looked like FIL. I guess I am grateful for this because the family resemblance is so obvious.

Yesterday, I went to get my once a month waxing and my way over do hair cut. It felt great to have some me time. The lovely lady who has been waxing my bows for years knows alot of my conception story. Soo...to my surprise she asked me, "who does he look like?"

In my head, "Duh DH!" I answered out loud, "DH."

She looks at him harder and says, "I think he has your nose."

Maybe Ant has my nose but I think it would be pure luck. One thing for sure he does have my pout. I have already told you how cute that is.

Why must everyone figure out who he looks like? Why can't we just leave as he looks like himself?

What I was surprised by was how it really didn't upset me. I have come to accept my IF is a sore spot, even now with the cutest son one could hope for. Even though my IF is a sore spot, how my son was conceived is not. DE was the way we had to go to create our family or at least start it. I am not ashamed of this fact nor do I hide it. I have come to terms with the fact Ant won't look like me but I am so very grateful that he looks like his dad. Especially since he has the cutest dad in the whole world.

I told you there were the cutest ever!!!