Sleep Frustration

The last week has been terrible and the worst sleeping Ant has done since he was a very tiny newborn.  I will take blame for his sleep being off because I was the one who wanted to night wean him.  After our trip he was nursing more at night and I was looking forward to a full nights rest.  Needless to say Ant had other ideas!

For the last week there are been nights when Ant has been up for 3hrs!!!  To top it off he would refuse to nap.  So mama had to put on her big girl pants and let him cry it out.  I am not a fan of this technique but it was the last  straw.

So here we are about a week after trying to night wean and Ant is still nursing at night.  Sleep is getting better but last night he was up for at least an hour.  I know some of you are thinking it might be time to wean completely but I am even more convinced that Ant is not ready to wean.

To each there own!

Back on the Horse

Well, it is official, I am back on the TTC band wagon.  Originally, I wasn't sure I wasn't sure if I wanted to get back on but WTH.  Cycle #3 has started and AF is on her way out.  There are some things that are going to be different this time around.  I am not going in with my eye closed but I am going into this with my eyes wide open.

The plan right now is to take things slow.  I am still currently breastfeeding, so seeing the RE is out of the question.  Also, I am not ready for our FET.  The plan for our little 'totscile' is to transfer a year or two from now.  If we want to transfer next summer Ant will have to self wean by his second birthday.

Currently, we are in the middle of a family diet change.  My DH has been doing lots of research on eating because of his high cholesterol.  I have also been in some forums and groups talking about how these diet changes can help with TTC.  The foods we are eliminating are meat and dairy to start.  I have opted to leave fish in once a week.  As a family we have switched to almond milk (minus my morning creamer in my coffee) and eat as meat free as possible.  This means we are eating A LOT more fruits and veggies.  Phase two would be the elimination of sugar and gluten.  Phase 3 eliminate processed foods.  

DH and have told a few friends and family about our food plan.  Some are supportive and some are not.  I will keep you posted on how our eating plan goes.

Cycle #2

(TMI WARNING, If you are a man and don’t want to hear about Aunt Flow (AF) then don’t read this post)

Cycle #2 has come and gone already.  It was an almost 27 day cycle but AF was only 2 days long.  To top it off my cycle was only 2 days long and very light.  There was no heavy day and I think I used about 6 pads, if that.  I haven’t consulted with Dr. Google but I may. 

If I compare this AF to cycle #1 it was definitely lighter.  I have a few ideas why my cycle is so short:

1.  Since I am still breastfeeding so often my hormones aren't in full swing yet.
2.  I am going into full fledged Premature Ovarian Failure.

Part of me thinks this is the IFer in side of me just overreacting (most likely the case) but it is hard not worry.    

Goodbye Pump!

It is official, I am "hanging up the horns!"

I pumped for 14 months and 4 days!

I am happy to say that I have transitioned away from pumping at work.  It is very sad but exciting at the same time.  Ant is still nursing when we are together and I am wondering how my body will do during the weekend. 

If you asked me a year ago if I would have made it this long I would have most likely told you, "NO!" We conquered our breastfeeding challenges and it was worth every tear, every lost hour of sleep, and every pumping session.

"#2 Will Be Easier"

Even though it is a commonly known fact that Ant is a DE child people still tell me "the second will come easier."

I have to say this comment is really starting to annoy me.  We want to have another child more than anything, but it all comes down to money.  It is depressing to me to say this out loud.  If we want to expand our family we have to scrimp and save our money for the next ___ years.  

Over the last month or so this inner dialog of wanting another child has gotten louder.  Maybe it is that my breastfeeding friends ask me if I want another one...then I remind them about the DE and they suddenly don't know what to say.  In July we will have to pay the storage fee on little totsicle again.  How much longer do we want to wait before we transfer?

I'm also thinking about my breastfeeding, since I have to stop to go through a FET.  I know many people turn their noses at people breastfeeding past a year, but I will proudly say I hope to breastfeed Ant for at least 2 years (and we may nurse longer.)  So, at this moment it looks like #2 is still a long way away.

Awhile ago I talked about how I was the infertile in a very fertile world.  This was prompted by the announcement of my younger sister being pregnant with her second and my SIL being pregnant with her 3rd set of NATURAL TWINS (yes, you read that right).  At times it is hard being a member of my immediate family-they just don't seem to understand what DH and I have been going through and are still going through.  Also, hearing all this news of more babies makes my desire for another stronger.  

For now I am content with Ant and our breastfeeding goals.  In time I will know the answers to all these questions.  Till then I will do my best to enjoy life to its fullest and enjoy every moment with Ant.

The Infertile Next Door

The past 6 months I have been sitting in my Breastfeeding support group thinking most of these women are the fertile people I longed to be. The longer I attend this group the more I learn about each of them. After about a month I learned one of the women has PCOS and after she changed her diet and added exercise she got pregnant with her daughter after about 4+ years of TTC. This was the first of many discoveries, that I wasn't the only IFer sitting in the room.

A few weeks ago Ant and I apeared in a local news cast and I shared it with the group. I am proud of my IF journey because it has brought me the best joy in my life. I don't want to hide how that came about.

While we were getting ready to leave support group one of the mother's started talking about how she was surprised Ant was conceived through DE because he looks so much like me (I smiled). This conversation sparked her talking about her IVF. Then several of the other mothers talked about the same thing. Out of the 6 mothers there including myself 5 of us has been through IVF. I honestly think the other mother felt a little weird being the only one who conceived naturally. The funniest thing is I have been talking with many of these women for months and just now we started sharing our IF stories.

What this tells us is that more of us are suffering from IF then we really know. Why are we afraid? We didn't choose IF it choose us. Some of us conquer it and some of us don't but those of us who live it are changed. Take some time this week to discover your infertile friend next door. He or she might need you as much as you need them.

IF/BF How it Changed Me

I don't think I have a hard life but there have been some definite challenges in my life. The obvious challenge of TTC and my most recent challenge was breastfeeding. For many people these are both easy things but for me I like to say I have to do things the hard way or I just want to be an expert on both topics.

My challenges through TTC have made me an expert on how the reproductive system works. When I here people talking about it I instantly want to jump in. It still amazes me how little most women know about reproduction (I was one of them). I knew there was a fertile time but I only had an idea when that happened. Some people have no clue or aren't even trying and they end up pregnant (this fact amazes me). Once you learn the ins and outs of TTC it is amazing how people actually get pregnant.

As for Breastfeeding, I don't know if I thought it was going to be be easy but I definitely didn't think it would be as hard as it was for Ant and myself. At times I was sure I was going to give it up. What helped me survive was the mini victories. Our first victory was actually starting to nurse again and each progressive victory till he was nursing full-time.
We had lots of bumps in the road: supply issues, duct issues, latch issues, pain issues, etc. You name it, it probably happened to me.

Through these challenges it has made me appreciate both Ant and breastfeeding more then i could ever imagine. When realized I was going to have to go back to work I was heart broken but I knew it was what I had to do. When my schedule threatened to prevent me from pumping, I made sure to voice my opinions and my rights as a breastfeeding mother. I worked way to hard and way to long to give up breastfeeding now.

The funny thing is these two challenges have balanced me. Breastfeeding Ant makes me not long for another child ( I still want one) but I am willing to wait. My battle through IF made it so I had the confidence to battle through the ups and downs of breastfeeding. These two challenges have made me more confident in my opinions and more willing to speak up for myself and my rights. The shy innocent girl who started TTC over 4 years ago is such a distant memory. Even the heart broken women dreaming of a baby seems so far away. I never thought I could put my IF behind me but at time I find it hard to remember how I felt.

At time I fear forgetting the pain because I always want to be able to relate my IF friends who are still struggling but for now it is a welcome relief. For the moment I can live my life and not think about what could have been. I am living the life I was meant to have.

Ant 6months

Age: 6month

Weight: 14lbs 11oz (25th percentile)

Height: 25 3/4in

Eating: Nursing full-time when I am home. I am back to work but on weekend he is a 100% breastfeed baby. We have also started some solids.

New Tricks: Rolling over both ways and he loves to stand up (with help). He is also sitting up.

Favorite Toy: Has to be his letter spinner. He spins it to hear Animal sounds and letters.

Sleep: He isn't napping as much but he gets at least 2 30min to hr naps in.

I can't believe we have reached the halfway mark to a year. It is just absolutely amazing how fast they grow. Ant is doing new things everyday. My first day back to work I came home and I walk in to Ant saying "Mama." It was very exciting and made going to work the next day even harder.

On Thursday we had our 6month check up and I was worried his Ped wouldn't be happy with his weight gain. Well I was WRONG...he has jumped from the 10th percentile to the 25th. This was such relief.

Our biggest milestone is nursing full-time (when I am home). Ok I think that is enough bragging. Well almost...

Warning this is a mommy bragging about her baby. We just have so many awesome pictures and I wanted to share them with you.

Don't they all look so much a like?

We think this one is funny. I think the lady at the picture place thought we were crazy to get copies of this on.
He is just way too cute!

Me and my boy!

I am just like my daddy!

I am teething!

I love naked baby!

:)

Ok I am done bragging

Pump is Retired!

As of today I am finally retiring my pump for a week and a half. After a weekend in Chicago for a wedding, I finally have the confidence that I can feed Ant without the assistance of a pump, bottles, and supplementing. Actually when I first weighed him I was nervous because he still wasn't over 14lbs (but he hadn't eaten in awhile). So throughout the course of 2hrs at the meeting he at 6oz from me!!! So by the time we left support group he was well over 14lbs!!!

I am so excited to have finally reached this point in our breastfeeding saga but I am also saddened that it will be short lived. I return to my teaching job in just over a week, so I am will be back to pumping and bottles. On the bright side at least we made it to this point and we have weekends.

It is absolutely amazing how fast Ant changes. Just in the last week has be come so aware of his surroundings. While he is nursing he has decided he doesn't like the "Hooter Hider" anymore. He wants to see the world as he eats. For me personally I am OK with nursing in public but I know it makes people uncomfortable. So in those situations I will be as discrete as possible but it is my right to nursing him in public.

LOL...it is crazy how much I have changed. I have turned into a cloth diapering, breastfeeding, hippy mommy. Underneath though I still have the feels of an IFer. As I have come to accept some of those feelings will never go away.

Here are some pictures from our trip!!!

This is my favorite picture of Ant...to bad it isn't with mommy or daddy.

5 Month Update

Age: 5 months
Weight: 13lbs 10oz
Sleep: Great! Sleeps from about 10pm-6am, 1- 2hr nap, and 2 shorter naps
Eating: Currently still nursing and pumping milk for supplements but now we have one feeding that is exclusively nursing. No solids yet but we will be starting sometime in the next month.
New Trick: Ant was holding his own bottle for feedings but that was only for about a week.
Favorite Toy: It would have to be a toss up between his peacock and his excersaucer.

Where has the last five months gone? At times it feels like I just had him and at others he has always been in my life. Now I can't imagine life without him. As you remember our early weeks were not easy weeks. From the unexpected c-section, PPD, breastfeeding, and weight gain issues. It seems they have all resolved themselves. The c-section has been healed for a long time now and my PPD was short lived. As for breastfeeding and weight gain those are our on going works in progress but they are both getting better. As far as I can tell his weight gain is better because we have no more weight checks at the ped's office. We also do weekly checks at our Breastfeeding Support Group. These are more for my peace of mind. I guess I have just come to terms with pumping, nursing, and bottle feeding.

When you are pregnant you have grand ideas of what motherhood will be like. You will fall in love with your child instantly (didn't happen), breastfeeding is easy (NOT), you will never sleep (I actually get lots of sleep), and many more. After watch many people parent there were a few things I didn't want to do such as nursing Ant to sleep. I resisted this up until a week or two ago. It started with me nursing him for naps. I figured a little extra food wouldn't hurt and I wanted more bonding time with him. I am still trying to avoid nursing him to bed at night. It is my last resort but that rarely happens. Only when we try to make his bed time earlier.

Daycare is still a work in progress. DH and I are exploring the military option a little more because it is soooo affordable. Now the only problem is finding someone who I click with. I was discussing this with my neighbor the other day and she was telling me that they knew instantly that they had found the right place. Now to find the right place for Ant.

I have officially 3 more weeks before I go back to work. I have 2 goals CLEAN and enjoy every minute with Ant.

Daycare Dilemma

I know it has been awhile since I have written but I have been in limbo. DH and I were hoping that a possible work from home job would be finalized before Decision Day. Unfortunately the job didn't get finalized in time and now I have to go back to work on Aug 16th :(

Since we were hoping this job would work out we never secured childcare for Ant. We figured this job would work out and I would be home with him as planned. At this moment we have 2 choice.

Choice number one is a Nanny share with my friend. The problems with the nanny share is cost and my friend wasn't planning on starting till Novemeber. I think she can start in October for me but that still leaves August and September.

Choice number two is a in home daycare but the big problem is it is to far from my work. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal but DH is going on tour in October, which makes me a single parent for a month. Also I didn't like that she wanted to give Ant formula and rice ceral. I work hard to make breastmilk and if I make it he will drink it.

My choice is the obvious one of doing a nanny share with my friend. The reasons for this is because Ant is on a great schedule and I would like it to continue, he will be close to work, he could use his cloth diapers, and not be forced to eat solids before we are ready. So if money was no object we would be set. Finished...but that isn't the case.

As for Ant he is doing great. He has gained another pound so he is about 13 1/2lbs. He is nursing more but we are still supplmenting with the bottle. I was hoping I would be able to enjoy a few weeks without bottles but I am starting to think that might never happen but the most important thing is he is growing.

4 months

Happy 4 months Ant!

It is just amazing how fast the months go by. I can't believe he is 4 months already. Today he has his 4 month appointment. I am always very anxious about Ped appointments because they weigh him and if he doesn't weigh enough the Ped talks about formula. Well for the second appointment in a row his Ped has been happy with his weight gain. He was 12lbs 9oz today and that is just 3oz shy of a 2lb weight gain in a month.

This last week has been amazing with him. I have been home with him all day (SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER!) and he has FINALLY gotten the hang of nursing. It was absolutely amazing because all of a sudden on Saturday he got it. I am hopeful in a week or 2 we won't need a bottle anymore. Also I am down to 4 pumpings a day, that is down from 8!! Even with only pumping 4 times I day I end up with way to much breastmilk. I think this has a lot to do with nursing. As soon as he started nursing better my milk supply went through the roof.

For now life is great!

Here are a few pics! Enjoy!

Baby Steps

I know it has been a long time since I have written, but I have to admit being a working mom is hard work. To top it off you miss so much time with you child. Many people like being working moms or have to be working moms but if I am given the choice I would stay home in a heart beat. During maternity leave I enjoyed spending all day with Ant, even though some days were better then others. At this point I am just counting down my work days, so I can start being home with Ant again full-time.

As for BFing, we have hit a break through this weekend. For the first time since we started BF and bottle feeding he is consistently leaving extra milk in his bottle. I am assuming this means he is getting more milk from me now. Also when I go to pump afterwards I am getting less milk.

Recently we also went to the Pediatric ENT. I will tell you more about that visit in another post but on thing I will share is it is confirmed he has laryngomalacia. I must run, I can hear Ant squirming in his crib.

Time Flies-3 months

On Tuesday we went to the Ped for Ant's 3 month weight check. I knew for the first time in a long time she would be pleased with his weight gain. We weigh him once a day so I already knew he gained 2lbs in the last month. His official weight was 10lbs 12oz. His Ped was very please, so much so that she didn't insist we see the Ped ENT sooner. His appointment isn't until June 8th. She also decided to put him on reflux medicine after talking with us about his feedings and I am happy to say he is spitting up less and eating more.

While we were at the Ped's office one of the RNs freaked out about Ant's breathing. She said, "You better get the Dr now because of his breathing." DH and I just chuckled to ourselves and told her it was normal. It has become a story we tell often to people. Many people think he is hiccuping but it is really just him breathing.

As for nursing, it is getting better but we are still supplementing every feeding. I have increased his nursing time but he still takes the same amount of supplement afterwards. At this point I don't want to mess with his feedings because of work. As soon as the summer is here I am going to focus on nursing more and bottle feeding less.

Life for the most part is good. I miss being home with Ant all day. DH has been with him the last two weeks and will send me pics via cell phone. It has been a great bonding experience for the two of them but I know no one can replace me. When I get home he is happy to see me and excited to nurse.

Time to get back to my little man!

Baby Steps

I am finally feeling like I am getting the hang of being a mother. This all started to set in over the weekend when Ant and I got the hang of feedings. No, we aren't back to full-time BFing but that is our ultimate goal. This realization came after my last meeting with my LC. She recognized something that no one else had identified.

Ant is a very noisy boy, he squeaks when he breathes and when he eats. She said it could possibly be tracheomalacia and I should talk to Ant's pediatrician about it. Today we went to the pediatrician for a weight check. After his weight check of 8lb 6oz (grow baby grow), I asked to speak to her if she had a moment. She came in as I was finishing feeding him and I told her what my LC said. Of course she heard him right there and asked, "Does he do this any other time?"

"Yes, while he sleeps."

She suggested we go see the ENT again and told me as the LC told me that he will most likely grow out of the tracheomalacia. I guess I really don't need to get him officially dx (diagnosis) but I would rather know then not.

We also have a plan now with his feedings now that we know he is still getting exhausted while nursing and burning to many calories. Currently we are supplementing with about 2 1/2oz of breast milk and then offering him the breast afterwards. Usually he will take me up on the offer because he LOVES nursing. It is our own special little time together.

Along with feedings going better our bond is growing stronger. I just love to be close to him. While he is sleeping in his crib or in his car seat asleep, I find I miss him being close to me. Or when he is full and doesn't want to nurse I am sad because I was really looking forward to those 10mins or so of us time. The joys of motherhood are becoming more obvious to me daily. He hasn't smiled at me yet but he does have a cute pout. DH told me that you are crazy if you don't think he his pout looks like yours. I guess he really did get something from me.

A Different Rollercoaster Ride

As a "IFer" I will never forget the IF rollercoaster went through to get our son. I knew that motherhood would be no piece cake but I didn't realize what a rollercoaster it would be. From the day Ant enter the world it began from the NICU to BFing. I am absolutely amazed with my determination. There have been many times when I was seriously considering giving up BFing and pumping. Sometimes I think it would be much easier to just mix the formula and stick a bottle in his mouth. Yes, it is easier but there are moments that I would miss out on.


Now that we are getting closer to being back on the breast the rewards are greater. As you already know we have good days and bad days but the good days out weigh the bad. It was completely amazing to me how rejuvenating 1 good feeding is. Yesterday was a rollercoaster of bad feeding after bad feeding then last night at our late night feeding Ant latched right on and nursed. It went from tears of frustration to tears of joy.

Now not everything is perfect because when I weighed Ant this morning he lost an ounce but I think in the long term battle of weight and BFing we are making leaps and bonds in the right direction.

I realize now that my IF has given me the strength and determination to win the battle of BFing. We are going to do it even if it takes us till he is 3months old and I am going back to work. We will win!

Update (Breastfeeding)

I have been trying to find time to blog for a few days now but Ant has been taking up most of my time. Since I made the decision to go back nursing full-time it has been a roller coaster. We have good feedings and we have TERRIBLE feedings. For the most part the terrible feedings are happening less often now but when they happen they test my determination to succeed.


On Monday the LC (lactation consultant) came to our house to have a one on one consult. It was great and she gave me some great pointers. She also answered my biggest question. How much should I pump? To my surprise I should still be pumping after every feeding until I am not supplementing anymore. I wish I didn't have to supplement but Ant is just a slow feeder that he would be on the breast all day long and probably still not get enough to eat.Along with the struggles there are been highlights. When we have a great feeding I get soo excited and shout it to the roof tops.


Currently, Ant is asleep in the sling I am wearing. We had one of those nights. It started at about 11pm yesterday. The nice thing about our situation is DH can feed Ant. So DH fed at and I was getting ready for bed and pumping so I could sneak an extra 30mins of sleep. Ant had different plans. He has developed this new habit of wanting to use me as his pacifier. Which meant after he was done eating all he wanted to do was suckle on my breast. This got very frustrating cause all I wanted to do was sleep. I eventually about midnight put him in the sling and walked around the house. He was asleep in minutes and I was able to put him in his crib by 12:20. Now I can't remember if I woke him up or if he woke me up around 1:10am for his next feeding. I am completely exhausted and both of us end up falling asleep mid feeding. I eventually wake up and put him in his crib.

At about 3:30am he wakes me up again to eat and we try again. Same results as last time we both fall asleep. I put him in his crib again and I go back to bed AGAIN. Next thing I know he is waking me up at 5am because he is hungry. Of course he is because we haven't gotten a full feeding in since 11pm. I was determined to complete his feeding this time so I could get some more sleep. We succeeded FINALLY and I even pumped afterward. Well my little Ant wasn't ready to go back to sleep or he was just having a hard time going back to sleep. I finally just gave up and put him in his sling.

Ant is making weight gaining progress, as of yesterday he was 8lb 1oz. My LC lent us he extra scale and it has really taken away the worry. If I didn't have the scale I would be wondering if I was feeding him enough, was he gaining weight.

There is much more to talk about but I am exhausted and I think Ant is FINALLY asleep enough to go back into his crib. I am hoping for another hour or two of sleep before our day starts.

Back to the Boob

After weeks of pumping, bottle feeding and occasional BFing. I finally am motivated to go back to full-time breast feeding. While I am pumping I miss quality time with Ant and I am missing that bonding time with him. So, I sucked it up and FINALLY called the lactation consultant (LC)yesterday.

Calling the LC was exactly what I needed. It took her awhile to respond but I finally got an email around 5pm yesterday. She said she was happy to consult with me but also told me about her FREE BFing support group that met that day at 6:30pm. At first I wasn't going to go to the support group but the more I thought about it the more I wanted to go.

At support group there were 3 other mothers there, usually there are more but due to March having 5 Weds the schedule was off. During support group we discussed birth stories and BFing issues. When I told my story about how I didn't get to BF for 24hrs the LC was appalled that they wouldn't let me BF sooner. Of course I continued with to story about how we ended up pumping full-time. I felt so out of place in this group because all 3 of them were BFing and I was pumping. I also felt those same pains of jealousy that I felt when someone else was pregnant. Why was BFing so hard for me? The whys were over powering me. To my surprise all 3 were very supportive and a little jealous that I already had 5oz of breast milk frozen in my fridge.

By the end of the support group it was time for Ant to eat. Silly mommy didn't bring a bottle because support group was only suppose to last an hour and we should have been fine. I figure well I guess I better BF him now since I had no other way to feed him. It was amazing he latched right on with the coaching of the LC. After he ate we weighted him again and he had eating 1oz. It was such an amazing feeling to be successful. We decided to give the other side a try and he latched on pretty good. By the end of BFing he had eating about 2oz of breast milk. YAHOOO!!! It is really nice having the scale there so you know exactly how much they have had. Also the other good news is that when we first weighted Ant he was 7lbs 14oz. He has gained another 4oz since Monday!

I learned so much at the support group yesterday and I look forward to the next one. I left feeling confident in my abilities to feed my son.

As for last night, it wasn't as easy as it was in support group to BF. I felt those feeling of failure brewing up inside as Ant struggled to latch. The Ped just has me so concerned about his weight that no matter how great a feeding goes I still wonder if he got enough to continue gaining weight. To ease my fears for a few days I think we are going to continue to bottle feed a few feedings a day. I just need that visual reassurance that he is getting enough. Also I think I am going to still schedule a private consult with the LC. I think both Ant and I could use another boost in our self confidence when it comes to BFing.

1Month and Mommyland

Last week Ant turned 1 month old and I can't believe it. It really seems just like yesterday that I found out I was pregnant but at the same time if feels like a life time ago. We have come a long way in a month from the NICU to weight issues.

On Ant's 1 month birthday we found out he had finally broken the 7lb mark and now he is 7lb 10oz. He gained about 2oz a day this past week. We have also graduated from twice a week weight checks. It feels great to have his weight issues under control.

Now our big issues is BFing(breastfeed). Currently, I am primarily pumping and bottle feeding. We started this because of his tongue and weight issues. What I like about pumping is I know EXACTLY how much breast milk Ant is getting but the downside is I am tied to the breast pump. Being tied to the breast pump makes it hard to get out of the house. If I wait to long my breasts let me know.

I experienced this issue this weekend when DH's family was visiting. On Sunday DH had a concert and we all went (Ant and I included). I pumped in the car on the way to the concert and I was planning on pumping again during intermission. Unfortunately, I didn't bring my car keys and DH was on stage. Soo...by the time we got to the car I REALLY needed to pump. I think I pumped 6oz of milk. What this also showed me is that I don't need to pump after every feeding. This has been liberating because I can pump while he is sleeping now during the day.

BFing is still a work in progress. I have had good experiences with Ant and bad ones. While DH's family was visiting I didn't BF at all because it was easier and there were plenty of hands to help with Ant. Today we had our first positive BFing experience in almost a week. After a few trys he latched on and ate. The plan is to call a Lactation Consultant and get some help. I haven't called yet. Maybe I will do that tomorrow?

In other news since we are family free Ant will be sleeping in his crib tonight. He has slept in his crib for a few naps but never at night. DH and I are very excited because we get our bedroom back. Also the cats can start sleeping with us again. I know the cats will be happy about this also. The first night home from the hospital Athena (our girl cat) meowed at our door all night.

Lastly, with each passing day I feel more and more bonded to Ant. When I spend time away from him now I miss him tremendously. I love him soo much and it just gets stronger everyday.
I guess that is all for now stay tuned for more about BFing. For my DE friends I will have more soon about how I am feeling about the DE.

3 weeks

Today Ant is 3 weeks old. It is amazing how quickly the days pass now. Over the past 2 weeks or so we have been transitioning in our house. The first week was pretty easy other then him being in NICU. After we were home it was an eye opening experience. Nothing prepares you for motherhood but I wouldn't change a thing.

We have had a few struggles over the past couple weeks. One of them being Ant not gaining weight fast enough. All his other issues have been linked to the lack of weight gain. After several consults with the RN at the Ped's office on breastfeeding we realized that Ant was tongue-tied (the ligament underneath his was to tight). This was causing him to get air while he was eating and he was getting over tired.

Last week we got Ant's tongue clipped but that didn't solve our breastfeeding problems. On top of that we both got frustrated so we went strictly to pumping and bottle feeding. We were making good progress and in 4 days Ant gained 4oz. After a few days I decided to add in a few feedings on the breast with breast milk supplemented bottles. Today we had our first normal breastfeeding experience in almost a week. It was WONDERFUL!!! I am hoping this is just the start for Ant and I with breastfeeding.

As of now we are all doing great and adjusting. With each day I fall more in love with him. I catch myself staring at him and admiring how beautiful he is.