4 months

Happy 4 months Ant!

It is just amazing how fast the months go by. I can't believe he is 4 months already. Today he has his 4 month appointment. I am always very anxious about Ped appointments because they weigh him and if he doesn't weigh enough the Ped talks about formula. Well for the second appointment in a row his Ped has been happy with his weight gain. He was 12lbs 9oz today and that is just 3oz shy of a 2lb weight gain in a month.

This last week has been amazing with him. I have been home with him all day (SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER!) and he has FINALLY gotten the hang of nursing. It was absolutely amazing because all of a sudden on Saturday he got it. I am hopeful in a week or 2 we won't need a bottle anymore. Also I am down to 4 pumpings a day, that is down from 8!! Even with only pumping 4 times I day I end up with way to much breastmilk. I think this has a lot to do with nursing. As soon as he started nursing better my milk supply went through the roof.

For now life is great!

Here are a few pics! Enjoy!

American Girl

I think every person has a dream of what their child/ren will look like. They pick their best features and combine them together. A few days ago I was driving home from work and the song "American Girl" by Carrie Underwood came on. It got me thinking about my dreams of our little girl (the one we were suppose to have). My American girl was going to be the perfect combination of DH and I. She would have my brown hair, my smile, and my chin dimple. She would have DH's beautiful blue eyes and perfectly strong teeth. She would also have a uni brow...but there is wax for that. My American girl still exists in my imaginations and I still dream about her. Part of moving on to DE was moving past the dream of my American girl, the perfect child of my dreams. I might still dream about her but the real perfect child sits in front of me now, my amazing son who smiles at me every day. Being a mother of a DE child makes you realize there is much more to being a mother then passing on your genes. It is about sharing your love with your child. The child you were meant to have.

I still dream of my American girl but I love my little miracle Ant.

Baby Steps

I know it has been a long time since I have written, but I have to admit being a working mom is hard work. To top it off you miss so much time with you child. Many people like being working moms or have to be working moms but if I am given the choice I would stay home in a heart beat. During maternity leave I enjoyed spending all day with Ant, even though some days were better then others. At this point I am just counting down my work days, so I can start being home with Ant again full-time.

As for BFing, we have hit a break through this weekend. For the first time since we started BF and bottle feeding he is consistently leaving extra milk in his bottle. I am assuming this means he is getting more milk from me now. Also when I go to pump afterwards I am getting less milk.

Recently we also went to the Pediatric ENT. I will tell you more about that visit in another post but on thing I will share is it is confirmed he has laryngomalacia. I must run, I can hear Ant squirming in his crib.

Time Flies-3 months

On Tuesday we went to the Ped for Ant's 3 month weight check. I knew for the first time in a long time she would be pleased with his weight gain. We weigh him once a day so I already knew he gained 2lbs in the last month. His official weight was 10lbs 12oz. His Ped was very please, so much so that she didn't insist we see the Ped ENT sooner. His appointment isn't until June 8th. She also decided to put him on reflux medicine after talking with us about his feedings and I am happy to say he is spitting up less and eating more.

While we were at the Ped's office one of the RNs freaked out about Ant's breathing. She said, "You better get the Dr now because of his breathing." DH and I just chuckled to ourselves and told her it was normal. It has become a story we tell often to people. Many people think he is hiccuping but it is really just him breathing.

As for nursing, it is getting better but we are still supplementing every feeding. I have increased his nursing time but he still takes the same amount of supplement afterwards. At this point I don't want to mess with his feedings because of work. As soon as the summer is here I am going to focus on nursing more and bottle feeding less.

Life for the most part is good. I miss being home with Ant all day. DH has been with him the last two weeks and will send me pics via cell phone. It has been a great bonding experience for the two of them but I know no one can replace me. When I get home he is happy to see me and excited to nurse.

Time to get back to my little man!

Back to Work

Well I am officially back to work. As I am sure many 1st time mothers they have lots of mixed emotions if they return to work. I knew I could have stay out a few days longer but money was a big reason. Maternity leave works like this for my district for the first 6-8weeks you can use your sick leave (if you have it) and any time after that is without pay. You can take up to 12 weeks of leave and still have your job but pay is a who different story. And since I had to use a lot of my sick leave for IF treatments over the last couple years that left me with very little sick leave.

I survived my first day back to work. It seems they wanted to make it easy for me because there were a lot of interruptions to my teaching schedule. Out of the 7 classes I normally teach on Monday only 1 of them was a normal schedule. To also help me ease into my first day DH brought Ant in to see me at lunch time. It was great to see them both and get to nurse Ant. The hardest part about returning to work is finding enough time to pump. In my original plan I wanted to pump 4 times. I quickly realized that was unrealistic and now shooting for 3times a day (at work).

Well, I must be off. I have to finish getting ready for work. As for the picture is it Ant and DH watching the Cubs game. I think I have told you that Ant has the cutest pout. Well, I finally caught it on film, by accident. Have a great day!

"He has your nose"

I thought for sure it would bother me if people told me Ant doesn't look like me. Or when they stare at him and say, "I think he has your nose." Maybe he does but it is pure dumb luck.

Yesterday our family of 3 took a trip to my work, it was the band and string concert. This was also the first time many of the parents would meet my son. Ant and I have taken a few trips to school but all during the day. After the concert we were flocked with parents and students. Since I have been teaching at my school for 6 years now I know many of the parents.

The families that I knew would come up and ogle at Ant. They would look at him and then at me. Then tell me how beautiful he is. My favorite comment was, "Girl, you might have carried him but he is all daddy."

In all honesty I wasn't sure how I would handle comments about who he looked like or people telling me he looked like me or he didn't. It turns out it is more of a joke to me. I have to hold back a smirk when they tell me he looks like me.

As for people at work most of them know he is a DE baby. I have made no secret about my struggles to become a mother. The reason I am so open is because if one of them is having issues I would hope they would feel comfortable enough to come and talk to me. As for the parents of my students very few of them know. It just hasn't ever come up in conversation. Will I ever tell them? Maybe. But till they ask or we talk about it I am just going to have to laugh on the inside as they struggle to find something of his that looks like me.

A New Mother's Day

During my years of IF I would dread Mother's Day. Instead of a day of celebration it was a reminder of our failure to conceive. So, today I get to look through my rose color glasses and actually enjoy today.

I was a little nervous about today because I had hyped it up for so many years but it was perfect...minus DH having to work most of the day. This morning DH woke up before me and got Ant's bottle ready before either of us were awake. He also prepared all my pumping gear and brought it up to the bedroom. To top it off he made me breakfast in bed. Also he bought me the perfect gift. A necklace of a monkey with Ant's birthstone in it.

Actually I have been sending him emails for weeks to give him ideas of what I would like. I didn't want him to go shopping and not have an idea of what I wanted.

Ant gave me a Mother's Day present too! He was 10lbs this morning!!! Baby Boy you have come so far in the last couple week. We are going to impress your pediatrician.

Before I sign off today I just wanted to send some love to my sisters who are still TTC. I am sending you lots of prayers, that someday soon your prayers of being a mother will be answered. Luv ya!!