Sunday, June 20, 2010

American Girl

I think every person has a dream of what their child/ren will look like. They pick their best features and combine them together. A few days ago I was driving home from work and the song "American Girl" by Carrie Underwood came on. It got me thinking about my dreams of our little girl (the one we were suppose to have). My American girl was going to be the perfect combination of DH and I. She would have my brown hair, my smile, and my chin dimple. She would have DH's beautiful blue eyes and perfectly strong teeth. She would also have a uni brow...but there is wax for that. My American girl still exists in my imaginations and I still dream about her. Part of moving on to DE was moving past the dream of my American girl, the perfect child of my dreams. I might still dream about her but the real perfect child sits in front of me now, my amazing son who smiles at me every day. Being a mother of a DE child makes you realize there is much more to being a mother then passing on your genes. It is about sharing your love with your child. The child you were meant to have.

I still dream of my American girl but I love my little miracle Ant.

8 comments:

  1. Susan,
    That is beautiful. I am currently pregnant with twin girls via egg donor. I had a dream of a son- and got 2 girls! My husband and I couldn't be happier though. I just love these children, and I want to give them abundant love- that's really my dream. And it's coming true. As they grow inside me, I just feel a love like I've never felt before. We will tell the girls their origins, early and often. We have not told family, though I know at some point they will know- either through the girls themselves or possibly earlier. I struggle with what they will think, but in the end, I don't care really. Did you have to go through any condemnation for your choice to use donor egg? I ask because it seems like you have been completely open since the start. Thank you for your wonderful blog.

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  2. Thanks for this post. I've been wondering about this, the meaning of the dream not come true versus the choice for DE.
    I guess it comes down to the choice between forever dreaming or (the chance of) a real child...

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  3. Laura,
    When it came to telling my family they were very excited. My parents and DH's parents knew from the beginning. They were very supportive through the whole process. So far no one has condemned my choice to my face. I am sure there are people out there whole believe other things but to use he is the greatest gift. I was worried that my family would treat him differently and so far so good. My father is tickled pink with Ant and constantly is calling for updates.

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  4. Thanks for your reply. I guess the word "condemn" sounds pretty harsh now that I re-read my post! I am so happy that your family has been so supportive- that's so great! I worry about my mom's side of the family, as they are strict Catholics, and I know the Catholic church is not in favor of this. However, I am not Catholic, though I am Christian. I really appreciate your reply. Hope my post wasn't too "heavy!"

    And I think Ant is so cute! :-)

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  5. Laura,
    I am very lucky when it comes to supportive family. I was also wary because my mother's side is Catholic. I don't know how strict they are but it did cross my mind. My feelings on this is if they can't accept Ant for who he is and how he came to us then they don't deserve to be a part of our lives. So far I haven't had to draw this line but I am sure some day I might. I hope this helps. I you want to talk about it more email me :)

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  6. amen. I love my de egg girl and miss and forever think about the daughter I lost due to prematurity who was from my DH and I. I think about what she would have looked like, how she would act. She'd be two next month.

    However, if I hadn't lost the first, I wouldn't have this little one lying on me and that is painful just considering.

    The child I was meant to have...

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  7. I do that all the time! I picture what our child will look like. I love that Carrie Underwood song! Hope things are going well with Baby Ant!!

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