This past week I was visiting my family. As I have mentioned many times my family is VERY fertile. I often dread visiting them because of this. After a great conversation with my mother about bonding (read more here) with Ant, I was starting to feel on the same page as my mother (for the first time in awhile).
The last morning we were at my parents' house my mother and I went for a walk. I was telling her about my brother and how frustrated I am with him. His wife is currently pregnant with their 2nd set of NATURAL twins (her 3rd set). At times it is hard for me to be happy for them because I desire another child but I am unsure it that will ever happen. I was telling my mom how I bit my tongue when my brother mentioned that they really didn't want more kids. I knew he didn't mean it in that way but I know 2 more babies is going to put ALOT of extra stress on him and SIL. I also revealed to my mother why I was really upset with them. Out of anyone in our immediate family, they are the only ones who haven't gotten Ant a single gift. I know money is tight but seriously all I am asking for is a little outfit or something?!? Just to acknowledge that he exsists. Dumb reason to be upset but I am.
My mother then said to me, "Susan we all come from different experiences. They don't understand your infertility and you don't understand what SIL has been through."
As much as I hate to admit it but my mother is right (sssshhh don't tell my mom) :)
I guess the point I am trying to make is we all come from different life experiences and this is why I share my feeling so opening on this blog. At times I have considered making my blog more private so my family couldn't read it. To my surprise I found out my brother reads my blog. I have a hard time talking to my brother about what is going on, so I am glad he is reading to get an idea of what is going on in my life.
At times I am harsh when talking about my family but this is my release. This is my safe place to express my feelings. Sometimes it is easier for me to write then to actually tell them how I am feeling. As frustrating as it is to watch our fertile friends produce more and more children while we struggle but most likely they have their own story that we don't know about. Knowing all their stories doesn't make my infertility easier, but it does give me an understanding that they have struggles also.