Monday, August 23, 2010

Crippled by Infertility

While you are living your infertility nightmare you don't always realize how crippling it is. Now that I am finally coming out of the fog it is astounding to me how much it changed me!

As I am preparing for my 7th year as the music teacher at my school, I am reflecting on previous years and how I have changed as a teacher. What motivated me, what didn't, favorite lessons, and co-workers. I knew IF had affected my teaching but WOW. When I enter the school building for the first time this year I had a huge smile on my face. There were no worries about when I was going to become pregnant or how I was going to survive being pregnant. It was like the me before IF was peaking out again. This strange person popped her head out again at the "Music Teacher Meeting" on Tuesday, for the first time in 4plus years I was inspired by something and wanted to take it back to my classroom. I could also look at the pregnant music teachers and not be jealous (DOUBLE WOW!).

As the fog lifts I am feel the optimistic person I once was re-apear but she isn't exactly the same. This new person has confidence and is more willing to try new things. She also doesn't like to be walked all over and likes to speak her mind. Who is this person?

I wonder is this from the IF or from motherhood?

Who know but for the first time in years I am excited to teach, excited for new things, and I am not crippled by my IF! It is such a feeing feeling to not be held down anymore. I am still infertile but I have emeraged from the other end of the fog. Ant we gave you life and helped me get my life back from infertility.


  1. That is great you are "back to yourself".

    I had a similar experience....but it was getting through a bad end to a marriage and going through divorce. At the other end, I was happy to find myself again (although during the rough patches, you don't notice that you are not yourself).