Last night I was talking with one of my new mommy friends (she had IF also) about the genetic connection and my desire to have more children. As many times as I tell people how happy I am to have Ant there is that small part of me that still longs for a genetic child. It breaks my heart to even think that because I love Ant soooo much. From the time you start dating someone you start imaging what your children will look like and I am finding really hard to let go of that.
Part of the reason this has recently resurfaced is because I have had several friends get pregnant on their "last chance" with their own eggs. I am so ecstatic for them that they didn't have to use a donor but it makes me dream more about my own "genetic children." At times I wonder if I will ever truly get over this loss.
Now that Ant is a year I am starting to think about my desire to have more children and be pregnant again. In my mind I am considering trying with my own eggs again. Am I completely mad? How will I explain that one?
I am just in a weird place and don't know where to go from here. I guess it is a good thing that Ant is still nursing because if he wasn't I might actually have to decided on how we want to proceed for #2, if there is a #2.