Saturday, March 19, 2011

Genetic Connection

Last night I was talking with one of my new mommy friends (she had IF also) about the genetic connection and my desire to have more children.  As many times as I tell people how happy I am to have Ant there is that small part of me that still longs for a genetic child.  It breaks my heart to even think that because I love Ant soooo much.  From the time you start dating someone you start imaging what your children will look like and I am finding really hard to let go of that.

Part of the reason this has recently resurfaced is because I have had several friends get pregnant on their "last chance" with their own eggs.  I am so ecstatic for them that they didn't have to use a donor but it makes me dream more about my own "genetic children."  At times I wonder if I will ever truly get over this loss. 

Now that Ant is a year I am starting to think about my desire to have more children and be pregnant again. In my mind I am considering trying with my own eggs again.  Am I completely mad?  How will I explain that one?

I am just in a weird place and don't know  where to go from here.  I guess it is a good thing that Ant is still nursing because if he wasn't I might actually have to decided on how we want to proceed for #2, if there is a #2.


  1. Thanks soo much for 22 weeks via DE and wondering how things will be after our baby's birth. I get that same feeling from time to time still too. Your heart will tell you what to do in time. Hoping you reach a decision sooner than later...

  2. I completely understand this. I have twin DE boys that are 14 months old. I love them more than life itself, I'm grateful, and I know they would not be here without my infertility. I can not imagine a world without them. They are such blessings and every day I thank God for them. Yet I secretly hope that maybe, just maybe a miracle will happen and I will conceive a child the "old fashioned way". I have no eggs as I was diagnosed with POF when I was 21. So I know this will never happen but I do still hold on to a tiny sliver or hope. Maybe after time it will get better, maybe it won't. Just know you are not alone with these feelings. It's not crazy.