Thank you everyone for all your support. Yes, I am doing better but I still have my moments. The last couple days I have been enjoying getting out of the house and some of these trips were solo. These trips have been liberating and making me feel more like me again. Also, after one of these trips I realized I missed Ant and I wanted to be close to him. This feeling made me feel so much better. As my friends have told me, I fall more in love with him EVERYDAY!
The last couple days I have been having feelings of jealousy again. Several months I ago I was talking with my friend Lucy. We were discussing our IF wounds and how long it would take for them to heal. I was telling her I felt like my wound was healing and that I thought my son would fill it. Yes, Ant does help the wound but I am still not completely over the lose of my fertility. I am starting to think I will never completely get over the lose.
I find these feelings are brought on by family and friends getting pregnant all around me still. These feelings have resurfaced since the birth of Ant. I think it has to do with the fact that I am not pregnant anymore and as tough as the last month was I enjoyed feeling Ant grow. I also know exactly what I would have to do to have another child and it won't be easy emotional or financially. I guess as my friend Lucy says, "My IF will always be with me."