I Can't Ignore the Signs

I am finding life before my first cycle, so much easier.  After we decided on using donor eggs, I also decided that I never wanted to use birth control ever again.  If on the off chance that I did have a good egg, I didn't want to miss it.  The last 2yrs have been bliss for me, no AF and not worrying about "trying" to get pregnant.

Granted, I am only in cycle #1 post Ant but I was hoping I could avoid worrying about it.  At this point it isn't working.  It is hard to miss egg white cervical mucus, at least for me. It was unlucky lucky for DH because I was ready to do some baby making. Today (for a second) I even considered calling my OB and getting on birth control.  The hormones are making me crazy or just the idea of TTC makes me crazy.

I thought at first I wouldn't think about TTC, since I know a 40 year old has a better chance of getting pregnant then I do.  But all the positive mumbo-jumbo that everyone spouts is getting to my head.

"Pregnancy heals you."
"#2 will be easier."
"You will be more relaxed"
ETC!!!!

I just really need to get out of my head!!! Maybe I should consider birth control? NOT!!!

How Life Has Changed

I meet my friend Lucy several years ago at a IF support group.  After several weeks of going to group Lucy, Wendy and I really hit it off.  One week group was canceled, so the 3 of us got together and had our own little group.  Just over 2 years go Wendy and I found out we were pregnant with our DE babies but Lucy's IUI ended up getting canceled :(  Wendy and I were bummed out that Lucy's cycle didn't work but we had hope she would join the preggo club soon.  Lucy did join us just a few months later.  The 3 of us enjoyed our 3 very different pregnancies.

I was thinking about this because yesterday we attended C's (Lucy's son) 1st birthday party.  To see the 4 boys playing together was surreal.  To think they didn't even exist 2 years ago.  Our lives are so blessed. It is fun to think, iff the 3 of us weren't infertile we would have NEVER met.  Infertility is hard but it can also create the best friendships.
 
 

Photo Friday

The Canadian Court Ruling for Children of Anonymous Sperm, Egg and Embryo Donors -- Blogger -- FertilityAuthority.com

The Canadian Court Ruling for Children of Anonymous Sperm, Egg and Embryo Donors -- Blogger -- FertilityAuthority.com

Friday Photo

Am I a cynic?

Lately I have been finding myself error on the side of caution when people ask me if we are having a second child.  I used to tell them, “hopefully!”  Now I find myself saying , “Ant will most likely be an only child.”  Why am I changing my tune?

The eternal optimist in me wants to say we will have a second but the realist that I have become realizes it is a long shot.  I believe these changes have to do with the fact, that now we have Ant.  As much as I want a second, I don’t want to risk his well being on another.  It would be between another 15K- 30K+ for #2 if the FET doesn’t work.  This is the downside to DE.  If my eggs were good my insurance would cover the procedure but that isn’t the case for us. 

Recently I was talking with DH about our little totsicle.   I told him I was considering just donating our little totsicle to someone else and just be happy with Ant.  My thinking was that if we went through we the FET (in a couple years) and it didn’t work then my desire for #2 would be greater.  If we just donated our little totsicle now we could just live our lives as they are now, with Ant.  Unfortunately/Fortunately DH disagrees and wants to do the FET (whenever I am ready).

My fear is if we do the FET it will make me depressed and unhappy with what I already have.  I LOVE Ant and I would love to share that love with another child.  Do I want to risk my happiness on the possibility on even more happiness?  Is it worth the possible heartache?

Friday Photo

Ant and his Justin Bieber jeans.