Lately I have been finding myself error on the side of caution when people ask me if we are having a second child. I used to tell them, “hopefully!” Now I find myself saying , “Ant will most likely be an only child.” Why am I changing my tune?
The eternal optimist in me wants to say we will have a second but the realist that I have become realizes it is a long shot. I believe these changes have to do with the fact, that now we have Ant. As much as I want a second, I don’t want to risk his well being on another. It would be between another 15K- 30K+ for #2 if the FET doesn’t work. This is the downside to DE. If my eggs were good my insurance would cover the procedure but that isn’t the case for us.
Recently I was talking with DH about our little totsicle. I told him I was considering just donating our little totsicle to someone else and just be happy with Ant. My thinking was that if we went through we the FET (in a couple years) and it didn’t work then my desire for #2 would be greater. If we just donated our little totsicle now we could just live our lives as they are now, with Ant. Unfortunately/Fortunately DH disagrees and wants to do the FET (whenever I am ready).
My fear is if we do the FET it will make me depressed and unhappy with what I already have. I LOVE Ant and I would love to share that love with another child. Do I want to risk my happiness on the possibility on even more happiness? Is it worth the possible heartache?