Friday, May 27, 2011

Am I a cynic?

Lately I have been finding myself error on the side of caution when people ask me if we are having a second child.  I used to tell them, “hopefully!”  Now I find myself saying , “Ant will most likely be an only child.”  Why am I changing my tune?

The eternal optimist in me wants to say we will have a second but the realist that I have become realizes it is a long shot.  I believe these changes have to do with the fact, that now we have Ant.  As much as I want a second, I don’t want to risk his well being on another.  It would be between another 15K- 30K+ for #2 if the FET doesn’t work.  This is the downside to DE.  If my eggs were good my insurance would cover the procedure but that isn’t the case for us. 

Recently I was talking with DH about our little totsicle.   I told him I was considering just donating our little totsicle to someone else and just be happy with Ant.  My thinking was that if we went through we the FET (in a couple years) and it didn’t work then my desire for #2 would be greater.  If we just donated our little totsicle now we could just live our lives as they are now, with Ant.  Unfortunately/Fortunately DH disagrees and wants to do the FET (whenever I am ready).

My fear is if we do the FET it will make me depressed and unhappy with what I already have.  I LOVE Ant and I would love to share that love with another child.  Do I want to risk my happiness on the possibility on even more happiness?  Is it worth the possible heartache?


  1. I am 32 weeks pg via DE and already feel that our baby will be an only child as well. However, I feel terribly guilty to not want to bring him/her a sibling already. But I just can't. Don't want to "go there" again. Its such a hard decision.

  2. Gosh, thank you for sharing this! I am trying to imagine what it would be like to do an FET and have it be unsuccessful. That would be very tough, knowing it would be the last try. However, I think it would also be very tough and emotional to donate the embryo. Either way, very difficult. At least with the FET you have a chance for a baby?

  3. That is a hard decision. I lucked out and got twins, so my husband and I are happy about that. We got 2 girls though, and sometimes I think I'd like to have a boy. But I'm 40 and hubby is 47, and we think due to our ages and financial responsibilities, we won't try again. We have 9 embryos remaining. It's hard to think that I won't bring those babies to life! We want to donate them, and hopefully to one couple, but I'm not sure how that works (number wise). So, I understand- it's hard b/c I have these snowbabies (these are from DE if I didn't mention that), and I'd LOVE to be pregnant again, but it's not going to happen. It's just another of the issues we have to deal with as people with infertility- hard decisions and heartache (b/c my heart longs to know those little people in there). Know that whatever you do, it will be the right choice, and you can feel confident that you all will be all right. Blessings to you and your wonderful family!