Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
This video just brought tears to my eyes. Since we made this hard decision to move onto DE, I have wondered how our child would deal with this. Now that Ant's arrival is so close I think about it more often. It is just so great to see and hear an actual teen child via egg donation and hear how she feels about being a DE child.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
How far along: 28 weeks
Weight Gain: 22lbs but shhhh...don't tell my OB because she only knows about 16lbs of it.
Stretch marks: Nope, I am lucky that I have great genes in the department. Neither my grandma, mother, and sister got stretch marks.
Sleep: I am still sleeping well but I usually wake up 1-3 times a night and I can't remember the last time I slept through
Labor signs: I have a few Baxton-Hicks contracts a day but nothing to worry about.
Belly Button: At this point I still have an innie but we are on our way out.
What I miss most: Well it depends on the day but right now it is beer and wine. Especially during football season because DH and I would watch the Cowboys and drink beer together. Now it is DH drinking beer and me watching.
Baby movement: He moves all the time. My favorite movement is when I am laying on my right side and he punches both sides of my stomach at the same time.
As for Ant's room, well it is coming along. DH and I have done some room prep for painting. Yesterday we got his crib arrived-thank you Grammie. Today we were hoping to do a little painting but we were distracted by the blizzard going on outside (this was my first). Now I am hoping for Monday from work due to the 20+ inches of snow, so we can paint. Once his room is done I will post pictures but I am predicting that might not happen till January or February.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
At the beginning it was just hanging out with me on the sofa when I got home from work and then we noticed he was growling at the door whenever someone knocked on the door. DH and I got a kick out of this and we started calling him our guard kitty.
Well our little guard kitty is now guarding my belly at night. I have been sleeping with my body pillow and no matter what side I am sleeping on Hamilton is laying on my belly and the pillow. I thought maybe it was just his favorite place to sleep but DH says he isn't sleeping he is awake. It is also really cute because when I roll over at night I move him and then after I am settle he repositions himself . He is just so cute about it.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
This jealousy has seemed to always have been there since we found out DE was our only option but I didn’t realize how jealous I was until very recently. As we sat at the dinner table at Thanksgiving DH’s family start discussing who his cousin’s daughter looked like. For a normal mother this wouldn’t be a big deal but it made me jealous. I was thinking of next Thanksgiving with Ant. In my imagination we are sitting at the table and discussing who he looked like and how I might not enter the conversation. Maybe if I am lucky he might look like me or someone in my family but I will know differently.
Lately, I have been having these daydreams of a little girl who looks like me. This little girl is the daughter that I have always dreamed of having. The little girl that the RN at my REs office said we deserved. The child of my dreams is a little girl with brown eyes, brown hair, my smile, and with a little of DH mixed in there. Why now at 27weeks am I having such a hard time with this?
I am just so jealous. Please don’t take this the wrong way because I love Ant and I wouldn’t change the way he is coming to us but I am having a hard time shaking these feelings. I pray these feelings disappear once I hold our son in my arms for the first time. The last thing I want is my insecurities to affect him. I guess it is better to deal with these emotions now then once Ant is here.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Last year at this time DH and I were preparing for what was our last IVF cycle with my eggs. I had spent the last year almost changing my life and my diet to make my eggs the best they could be. We both had high hopes for our last IVF. In the middle of all those high hopes there were fears and disappointments of not being able to conceive.
We also traveled to the southwest to see our families. During this trip we spent several days at my parents other house out in the middle of nowhere. I was very nervous about this because I was in the middle of IVF prep, my sister had just had her brand new baby, my brother’s twins and my SIL talking about wanting more babies. It was sooo hard to keep my sanity in check and be a happy sociable person. The way I survived was reading the “Twilight” series. DH would have said I wasn’t surviving; it was more like hiding and avoiding.
DH’s family wasn’t nearly as hard for me to see because hardly anyone was talking baby. The only baby talk going on was from us and DH’s cousin who was due in July after dealing with her own IF issues. It made it easier for me to deal with because she knew how I was feeling and when we were hanging around with their family only once did someone mention the new baby on the way. It was surprising to me because it was DH’s Aunt and Uncle’s first grandchild. I am so grateful to them to this day for that evening of baby free conversation and was one of the easiest evenings of the holiday season.
Still to this day it amazes me the differences between our two families. They are both supportive in their own way and it works but I have to say I preferred DH’s families’ approach of lets not talk about it unless she brings it up.
Thanksgiving this year was just a peak into my new world and I LOVE it. I got to see DH’s cousin’s baby girl and she was just adorable. We all talked about little Ant, about how he was created, and he soon arrival. My IL’s also have a count down in their house to his EDD. It made me nervous to look at it, not because of my IF, but because how soon it is.
These same changes I see everywhere in my daily life. It is amazing how carrying a life can change your life. How I can finally say next year Ant will be with us. Next year will be Ant’s first Christmas. This year I actually get to celebrate all the things we have been waiting for.