Saturday, December 5, 2009

Holiday Reflection

With the holiday season being in full swing I have been thinking a lot about last year and where I was. When I was living in the IF world the holidays were the hardest time of the year, except maybe a BFN after an IVF. The reason the holidays are so hard is because you are surrounded by friends and family.

Last year at this time DH and I were preparing for what was our last IVF cycle with my eggs. I had spent the last year almost changing my life and my diet to make my eggs the best they could be. We both had high hopes for our last IVF. In the middle of all those high hopes there were fears and disappointments of not being able to conceive.

We also traveled to the southwest to see our families. During this trip we spent several days at my parents other house out in the middle of nowhere. I was very nervous about this because I was in the middle of IVF prep, my sister had just had her brand new baby, my brother’s twins and my SIL talking about wanting more babies. It was sooo hard to keep my sanity in check and be a happy sociable person. The way I survived was reading the “Twilight” series. DH would have said I wasn’t surviving; it was more like hiding and avoiding.

DH’s family wasn’t nearly as hard for me to see because hardly anyone was talking baby. The only baby talk going on was from us and DH’s cousin who was due in July after dealing with her own IF issues. It made it easier for me to deal with because she knew how I was feeling and when we were hanging around with their family only once did someone mention the new baby on the way. It was surprising to me because it was DH’s Aunt and Uncle’s first grandchild. I am so grateful to them to this day for that evening of baby free conversation and was one of the easiest evenings of the holiday season.

Still to this day it amazes me the differences between our two families. They are both supportive in their own way and it works but I have to say I preferred DH’s families’ approach of lets not talk about it unless she brings it up.

Thanksgiving this year was just a peak into my new world and I LOVE it. I got to see DH’s cousin’s baby girl and she was just adorable. We all talked about little Ant, about how he was created, and he soon arrival. My IL’s also have a count down in their house to his EDD. It made me nervous to look at it, not because of my IF, but because how soon it is.

These same changes I see everywhere in my daily life. It is amazing how carrying a life can change your life. How I can finally say next year Ant will be with us. Next year will be Ant’s first Christmas. This year I actually get to celebrate all the things we have been waiting for.

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