Thursday, October 22, 2009


Through most of my IF journey I have been very honest and open about the whole process. I figured by sharing my struggles I was helping others deal with their IF and also helping my fertile friends to understand the pain of IF.

When I first made the decision to move onto DE I was unsure about telling people. How would this change the way they thought of me or my baby? I quickly got over this fear because it just felt weird telling my friends partial truths. I even took it to the next step by blogging about it. My story was out there but I really didn’t realize how far it reached.

During my trip home I got to see lots of family. Other then discussing my IF issues with my immediate family, I really didn’t talk to my extended family about it much. Part of this is due to me living 3,000 miles away. During the trip I found myself talking to my Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, and even my 90 year old Grandmother about my IF issues. I never expected to talk to my grandmother about DE.

I guess the reason I didn’t discuss with my family was because it was just plain weird. As comfortable as I am with my IF, it caught me off guard with how uncomfortable I felt discussing it. Why did this feel so uncomfortable? I think discussing IF with friends, strangers, and other IFers is easier. You aren’t as worried about them judging your decisions. I guess also because I know I have very different opinions then most of my family and I fear they might look down upon my son as a non-biological link. During these discussions I didn’t get that feeling but I still fear they might reject him.

What this should tell me is that my father and family are just as excited about this baby as they are about any new addition to the family. I shouldn’t worry about my family but focus on the good that the disclosure of my IF and DE has done. As I focus on the positive I still have fears. I am sure this is normal for all mothers-to-be but sometimes I feel so different then them. Hopefully over time my fears will quiet and I will start to feel like a normal mother-to-be.

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