Sunday, November 29, 2009
Now I find I don't know what to say or if I should even say anything to her. I remember the loss I felt after each failed IVF. My hopes and dreams of finally having a bio child being ripped from me once again but I that was only 2 weeks of waiting. How can I compare that to a loss at 22 weeks? I think about my son growing strongly inside of me and it would just crush me to lose him.
Many thoughtless people might say there will be other children but how do you even know that. There is no guarantee, as I have learned over 3 years of TTC. There are no promises of success. Has living in the IF world taunted my view or has it given me a more realistic view. I now worry about seeing my friend every day as my belly grows larger and her's is now empty.
This reminds me of my first year of TTC. At my job there were 3 pregnant women. As it became apparent that they were pregnant part of my heart ached for the child I wanted. When the birth drew closer I longed to have the same large pregnant belly. Once their children were here I wished it was me and not them. I still feel this way every time I see their children and think to myself, "That should have been me." It wasn't and I was left in the dust childless and broken.
To my friend if you are reading this I have no words that can express the sadness you may be feeling. I know I can't completely understand. Just know that you and your angel are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
I am finding myself enjoying the holidays for the first time in years. There are no more what if questions or well I be pregnant next year. It is just so amazing how much life has changed. I am so thankful for our decision we made to move onto DE.
Little Ant might not be my "bio" baby but he is mine in every other way. It is just one little cell and we have done the rest. DH did his job and now he is growing inside of me. I feel his kicks, punches, and movements.
I am just so thankful to everyone who was involved in creating this pregnancy. Thank you to my RE, who never pushed me but told me gently that we would get pregnant this way. Thank you to our donor who so generously donated her eggs to help create our family. Thank you to all the Drs and embryologist who helped create him. Lastly thank you to all my friends and family for all of your support and love through this journey.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Also, I went to the OB yesterday and it was the first time she measured my uterus. If I remember correctly you are suppose to measure an inch for each month pregnant you are. Well, I am currently 25 weeks and I measured 27 almost 28 inches. So, pregnancy wise I am not measuring small....hmm. Either I guess I just have a lot of room for Ant to hide in there because it looks like he is going to be a BIG boy.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Before DH left we did a little bit of shopping for baby's room but I really didn't find anything I was a "in love with." We picked something but I just wasn't happy with it. While DH was away I went to "Babies R Us" with my friends and saw the Tree Top bedding set and loved it instantly but didn't say anything.
DH and I started off at Buy Buy Baby and he just didn't see anything that he liked. I saw one that I "kinda loved" but when I felt the blanket it just felt cheap. We decided that we would go somewhere else and find something more original. As we walked up and down the aisles at Babies R Us DH stopped in front of the bedding and was admiring the animal on the mobile.
"Do you like this one?" I asked
DH's response, "Yes!"
Me, "I love this one!"
So it is official now we have a theme for the Baby's Room. I was starting to think we would never find something we would both love. Next step is to pick paint colors.
Monday, November 2, 2009
On top of finally getting an appointment DH comes home tomorrow!! I am sooooo excited that he is coming home.