I guess I am very talkative this week or just a lot has been going on. Today I attended a baby shower for one of my dear friends. She also suffered through IF and is expecting a little boy also. It was exciting to go to a baby shower and not worry about the questions or statements like, “When are you going to have a baby?” or “You are next.”
Most of the people at the shower were my friend’s family but there were also a few friends and acquaintances. I hadn’t seen these people since I have become pregnant, so of course I was looking forward to seeing them. Unfortunately it wasn’t as pleasant as I expected. The first thing out of someone’s month was, “I knew it would happen for you and I told you all you needed to do was relax. You were worked up for no reason.” I am sure some of you are reeling already. The kicker was it continued to, “Once you have one kids the flood gates open up and now the rest will be easy.” These aren’t her exact words but the gist of what was said.
This wasn’t the first time I have heard comments like these. I was under the impression that stupid comments like this would stop after I was pregnant but that was absolutely incorrect. Maybe for some people the second child is easier but when you use DE by no means is it easier. Especially for me, just because I am pregnant now doesn’t mean I don’t have POF anymore. My chances of getting pregnant do not go up. We are still sitting in the 1-2% chance of conceiving with my eggs.
In situations likes this I have two choices. One, is to just ignore and move on and try to forget what was said. This is what I normally do. My other choice would be to explain the whole thing to them but is it worth the effort? I guess it depends on who it is. If she was a closer friend I might have taken the time to explain it. DE, 30K, and IVF is how I got pregnant and unless you want to pay for child #2 it is not happening again any time soon.
Why is everyone suddenly concerned about a second child? Yes, in a perfect world I would love to have more children but in my world it might not be possible. I guess I need to be more vocal about the fact that this might be the only one. Once my little boy is here we don’t plan on preventing obviously, what is the point? If we get a miracle great but I am not holding my breath.
The gist of this rant is be careful what you say to a pregnant women, especially one that went through IF and IF treatments. For them a second child might not be an option. Those comments are just as hurtful as “Just relax, it will happen.”
Mother of Ant my donor egg son. Stories about pregnancy, motherhood, my thoughts about infertility, and donor eggs.
Isn't it ridiculous how every time you reach a life milestone, people ask you when you are going to reach the next one? When you get married, it's "when are you going to have kids?" Now, apparently, once you get pregnant, it's "when are you going to have a second child?"
ReplyDeleteMaybe we IFers should have pre-made cards (or letters since a card probably wouldn't hold it all) with the details of our story, so when the people who are ignorant of what we went through and what we would have to go through to get a second baby say stupid things (assuming we are lucky enough to get pregnant the first time), we just hand them the card and walk away.
*hugs* I'm still at the stage when I'm getting the comments about it being time for me to have a kid and the ever hurtful "You're not getting any younger!" I've gotten to the point where I'm just honest with the person and they walk away feeling like an idiot. I'm working on finding a doctor up here that I can trust and altering some health habits. Good Luck to you Susan. Enjoy your miracle!
ReplyDeleteClaire
Ugh, I get this too. People asking how many kids we'll have and pushing when I say I don't know (we don't have much control over that compared to other couples) and saying that number 2 will probably come on it's own.
ReplyDeletePeople are stupid.