On My Own

The last couple weeks have been a whirl wind. Almost 2 weeks ago we found out Baby was a boy and we were also preparing for Doug to leave for tour. For his job there is a possibility of him leaving for a month once a year. The last 3 years we have been lucky and hasn't had to go but of course this year he was going.

Through out our entire relationship we have had times of separation. While we were dating, 1 1/2 years was long distance. Also during the summer I would go visit my family for an extended vacation, this was never an issue. Of course I missed him but it can not compare to how I am feeling now. Lonely and Useless.

One of the few things I dislike about being pregnant is not being able to do certain things. This has become very apparent this week now that Doug is out of town. At work, I constantly have people helping me move things. Today was the worst. I had my 4th grade chorus today and there are 65 students in the group. For the past few weeks we have been meeting in my classroom but there were just to many bodies in my tiny music classroom. So my solution was move to the cafeteria and use the risers. Great idea in theory but much hard to arrange in real life. After hunting down people to set up the risers, moving the piano, and setting up name cards I was exhausted. Worked much better though. So while everyone was moving the risers and the piano I was wishing I could help. I don't like to feel useless but I was. At home I have the same issues if I need to move something heavy I need to ask a neighbor. Also we have cats and I have been told by many people "Don't touch the litter."

In those moments that I feel completely useless at home I am missing Doug more. I never realized how much I have come to depend on him during this time. He has been so amazing through this entire pregnancy. It reminds me why I picked him.