Baby Steps

I am finally feeling like I am getting the hang of being a mother. This all started to set in over the weekend when Ant and I got the hang of feedings. No, we aren't back to full-time BFing but that is our ultimate goal. This realization came after my last meeting with my LC. She recognized something that no one else had identified.

Ant is a very noisy boy, he squeaks when he breathes and when he eats. She said it could possibly be tracheomalacia and I should talk to Ant's pediatrician about it. Today we went to the pediatrician for a weight check. After his weight check of 8lb 6oz (grow baby grow), I asked to speak to her if she had a moment. She came in as I was finishing feeding him and I told her what my LC said. Of course she heard him right there and asked, "Does he do this any other time?"

"Yes, while he sleeps."

She suggested we go see the ENT again and told me as the LC told me that he will most likely grow out of the tracheomalacia. I guess I really don't need to get him officially dx (diagnosis) but I would rather know then not.

We also have a plan now with his feedings now that we know he is still getting exhausted while nursing and burning to many calories. Currently we are supplementing with about 2 1/2oz of breast milk and then offering him the breast afterwards. Usually he will take me up on the offer because he LOVES nursing. It is our own special little time together.

Along with feedings going better our bond is growing stronger. I just love to be close to him. While he is sleeping in his crib or in his car seat asleep, I find I miss him being close to me. Or when he is full and doesn't want to nurse I am sad because I was really looking forward to those 10mins or so of us time. The joys of motherhood are becoming more obvious to me daily. He hasn't smiled at me yet but he does have a cute pout. DH told me that you are crazy if you don't think he his pout looks like yours. I guess he really did get something from me.

OB Buzz Kill

I think being someone who struggled for years to get pregnant created unreal expectations of OB visits. It was so exciting to finally be pregnant and it is great seeing the smile on your RE's face at the end of each u/s. IFers are spoiled and when I finally got to the OB I was disappointed. First of all I expected a u/s at my first appointment. I though all OB's wanted to see the baby right? NOPE!! We just got bored to death with a list of questions. I felt bad for DH because he hadn't seen baby since my 6 week u/s due to his work schedule.

Friday was my 13 week OB visit and I got myself all excited to go again. Also over the last week I started to worry about the baby because I was finally starting to feel better. Instead of realizing my body was finally adjusting to hormones I freaked out and thought something was wrong with the baby. The days leading up to my appointment I was worried that more parents or my students would start asking me if I was pregnant. I was nervous to answer since I hadn't seen baby since my 8th week u/s.

The day of my appointment finally arrived. I could hardly contain my excitement because I was either going to hear baby's heartbeat for the first time or find out the worst. DH and I got to the appointment and we both waited with nervous anticipation. My OB came in and asked me the normal questions. We discussed a few test results and she asked me again if I was ever tested for fragile X. I never did this test because I firmly believe I don't have it and this is a donor baby so it doesn't matter if I have fragile X. It annoyed me because she asked me at my last appointment and I already told her once that this baby was a donor egg baby.

We finally get to the point where she gets the Doppler out so we can hear baby's heartbeat for the first time. It took a few second but before I knew it I heard the wush wush of baby's heart. It brought tears to my eyes and DH smiled. I could have listened to baby's heartbeat for days but we only got a few seconds before my OB removed the Doppler and that was it. Appointment over!!

I guess the hardest thing for me to understand is my OB's lack of excitement. This baby is a miracle and was 3 years in the making can't you muster up some excitement? Maybe it is the fact that I don't have a relationship with my OB. I haven't been seeing her for years and she never treated any part of my IF. She was just the OB that I had to see. Am I asking to much wanting her to be excited with me? Do other IFers have the same experience with their OB's?