Tuesday, I was in JoAnn’s and perusing the yarn section (I love to crochet). I was looking for the perfect yarn for our little miracle. This shopping trip was actually just to pass the time between my sono and my dinner plans. So, I ended up walking all over the store.
During my wandering I ended up in the frame section. While grazing through the frames I came across a family frame that said “generations” on it. For a normal mother to be they would be excited about the pictures of them and their child with other family members. To me it brought up other thoughts. One of them was that I am so happy he is a little boy. He will still be able to have his generation picture with Doug and my father-in-law. I can already picture it in my head now.
This same vision made me sad because how does this translate to me? Will he look like me? I know with any child you never know what you are getting but sometimes I feel that is more so with a DE baby. We did choose the donor, eye color, hair color, and so much more but I never met the women who actually donated. There are many stories of DE babies looking like their mothers but am I going to be one of those cases?
There times I also catch myself wondering how I will feel about people telling me he looks like me. Sometimes I think people lie to new parents by telling them how much the baby looks like them. There will be a point in my lifetime that someone tells me he looks like me. How will that make me feel? I pray that it won’t string my IF wound but reinforce the wonderful decision we made to use DE. I guess it all depends on how fresh my wound still is.
I don’t want anyone to think I regret giving up on a biological child because I don’t regret it for one minute. Thinking of a generation picture just makes me a twinge jealous that my son isn’t my biological son. Being a mom though is so much more then biology it is about loving and caring for your child. I knew I always wanted to be a mother and DE was one of the only way I could get there. He took 3 years and DE to conceive but he is going to have a lifetime of love.
Mother of Ant my donor egg son. Stories about pregnancy, motherhood, my thoughts about infertility, and donor eggs.
This is a good post. Tough stuff to work through, and I appreciate how open and honest you're being about your feelings and thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. I love your blog b/c I'll be using donor egg to conceive soon. My husband and I just started the process, and the donor has very similar physical characteristics to me, but as you said, you just never know. I think that it may sting at times when people say he looks like you, but I know at times it will make you happy & proud, because he IS yours and he grew inside of you- you're his mom and will love him like no one else (besides dad). He's your son. I'm very excited for you & pray for you and your family. You're a real encouragement and source of hope and strength! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand your thoughts. I'm going through the same thing but on DH's side. For the most part I just try not to think about it.
ReplyDeleteHi Susan,
ReplyDeleteGlad things are going well and that you are having a son! You will love being a mother to a little boy...such fun! I have two sons via DE and they look nothing like me. Actually, they both look very much like their father so that's the comment that I hear most often. I thought it would bother me that they don't look like me and that people might say that kind of thing, but honestly it doesn't bother me a bit. Every once in a while, someone will say one of them has my eyes, or nose or something and I just smile and say "do you think so?". That little boy will be such a joy to you and you will enjoy being his mother so much that the DE thing will soon become nothing more than a blip on your radar screen. Enjoy! Anna