It's a...

BOY!!!

Today we had our anatomy sonogram. Usually they wait till at least 18 weeks but since daddy was going to be gone we got to go in a little early. Everything looks perfect so far and he was very active. He seemed to not want to let the sono tech see certain parts like his head but he was very willing to show of his boy parts. I think we saw them at least 5 times. This was the best part. I some how had convinced myself that he was a she...LOL. I think this is the reason he showed us. He was telling me "Mommy stop calling me a girl!"

I chose to be childless for 3 years?

One of my dear friends sent me the link to this article in the New York Times. It is written by a women who underwent IF treatments but after failed IVF decided to live a childless life. This article intrigued me since I know some way and some how I wanted to be a parent. I have found the danger of writing a article about IF for the general public is you have people who don't understand IF respond. Here is one comment that hit me hard.

"It is interesting to me that most women who are infertile speak of their childless state as though it is something out of their control. They need to be honest and admit that being childless is their choice. There are literally millions of children out there who need good homes. If your goals are family and motherhood, why is adoption given such short shrift? Why not just be honest and admit that family and parenting aren’t your goals, but rather genetic preservation or perhaps just the state of being pregnant? While Ms. Little cursorily addresses adoption by demeaning those who have suggested it to her and tries to save face by praising those who do adopt, it doesn’t seem to me that she has honestly examined her motives for not wanting to consider adoption."— ML

My problem with her comment is that she is saying that I was choosing to be childless. Obviously, she has never dealt with IF because no one chooses IF. Yes, I choose not to adopt but that was because I wanted to experience the joy of being pregnant and feeling my child grow inside of me. Also as a mother to be of a donor egg baby genetics aren't the most important thing to me. Yes, I dreamed of having my own biological child but I came to a point where it was more important to be pregnant and carry my child then biology. Other IF couples who adopt come to the same conclusion but decided it is more important to parent then have a biological child.

I think infertilies who decide not to adopt are misunderstood. Adoption isn't for everyone and is a long expensive process. I know several people who adopted children and they understand that it is a choice. Adoption isn't a guaranteed thing, I have heard many stories from couples who went through failed adoptions. If this couple went through IF treatments they have already been through lots of disappointment. They just might be to vulnerable to go through that disappointment again. I guess my point here is "just adopt" is never an appropriate answer to IF.

People who didn't live through IF won't ever completely understand the pain and disappointment it causes. IF has changed my life and has changed many of my views. Looking back on my 3 year journey to my baby, I wouldn't go back and change much. I just hope other can learn from my struggles.

PS. To my fertile friends, don't worry I still love you and I know you understand my struggles to the best of your ability. Thank you for your support during my journey. I was lucky to have understanding friends and I count my blessings daily.

OB Buzz Kill

I think being someone who struggled for years to get pregnant created unreal expectations of OB visits. It was so exciting to finally be pregnant and it is great seeing the smile on your RE's face at the end of each u/s. IFers are spoiled and when I finally got to the OB I was disappointed. First of all I expected a u/s at my first appointment. I though all OB's wanted to see the baby right? NOPE!! We just got bored to death with a list of questions. I felt bad for DH because he hadn't seen baby since my 6 week u/s due to his work schedule.

Friday was my 13 week OB visit and I got myself all excited to go again. Also over the last week I started to worry about the baby because I was finally starting to feel better. Instead of realizing my body was finally adjusting to hormones I freaked out and thought something was wrong with the baby. The days leading up to my appointment I was worried that more parents or my students would start asking me if I was pregnant. I was nervous to answer since I hadn't seen baby since my 8th week u/s.

The day of my appointment finally arrived. I could hardly contain my excitement because I was either going to hear baby's heartbeat for the first time or find out the worst. DH and I got to the appointment and we both waited with nervous anticipation. My OB came in and asked me the normal questions. We discussed a few test results and she asked me again if I was ever tested for fragile X. I never did this test because I firmly believe I don't have it and this is a donor baby so it doesn't matter if I have fragile X. It annoyed me because she asked me at my last appointment and I already told her once that this baby was a donor egg baby.

We finally get to the point where she gets the Doppler out so we can hear baby's heartbeat for the first time. It took a few second but before I knew it I heard the wush wush of baby's heart. It brought tears to my eyes and DH smiled. I could have listened to baby's heartbeat for days but we only got a few seconds before my OB removed the Doppler and that was it. Appointment over!!

I guess the hardest thing for me to understand is my OB's lack of excitement. This baby is a miracle and was 3 years in the making can't you muster up some excitement? Maybe it is the fact that I don't have a relationship with my OB. I haven't been seeing her for years and she never treated any part of my IF. She was just the OB that I had to see. Am I asking to much wanting her to be excited with me? Do other IFers have the same experience with their OB's?

He who should not be named

Last week I finally started feeling better. I think it had a lot to do with being done with progesterone and del estrogen. I was truly starting to feel like myself again and was starting to feel like I could eat anything again, within reason of course. This weekend I guess I took it a little to far because BB revolted and decided to be picky about food again....LOL. My child already has a mind of her/his own.

Now let me get to my Harry Potter reference. I have noticed any time I tweet or post on my facebook page about not vomiting, the next thing I know I am puking up my Fruit Loops. Yes, I eat Fruit Loops. They are one of the few breakfast foods that I keep down on a regular basis. I was soo proud because I had made it over a week without vomiting . I had even texted my Mother-in-law to tell her the good news. Not even 12 hours later, I vomited.

So this is my official decree, NO MORE VOMIT TALK.

I was reconized :)

For the most part everyone I know knows that I am pregnant except for my students and most of their parents. I am very excited to share my news with them also but I am trying to avoid my students rubbing and talking to my belly as long as possible. This is more for me, since I have become pregnant I am a little more protective over my personal space.

Last week while I was walking outside to my after school duty one of my students parents comes up to me. This isn't abnormal because I talk with some of them on a daily basis. She pulls me aside and says, "Mrs. Q are you pregnant?"

I know I got a huge smile on my face and answered, "Yes, but don't tell the kids."

She answers, "I thought something was different."

This wasn't the first time someone reconized something was different. I also had another parent ask me why I was limping...LOL. That was a hard one because I have an old injury and I guess since I am walking funny since I am pregnant. I already have the pregnant shuffling and waddling down and my limp is a little bit more obvious. I played it off, I think? I am sure I will have to explain myself later ;)

By no means am I trying to hide my pregnancy but I am just not confirming until I am asked.
When the time finally comes how do I tell them or should I just let them figure it out on their own? Any suggestions for the teacher?

How are you doing?

"How are you doing?" "Did you vomit today?" "How are you feeling?" These seem to be constant questions now that everyone knows that I am pregnant. If I answer these questions honestly a pregnancy story is sure to follow. As much as I love hearing stories, hearing them everyday, several times a day is to much.

For those of you who are wondering how I am doing here I go. For the most part I feel great. Morning sickness is one of my most constant pregnancy symptoms. I get to a point where I think my morning sickness is under control but going back to work threw a wrench into that. Something about waking up at 6:30am makes me nauseous. I think I have finally gotten it undercontrol. Last night I ate some pretzels before I went to bed, when I woke up the first time at 4am and then again when I finally got up. Having some food in my stomach seemed to help.

For all my friends who are wondering when I am going to post belly pictures and ultrasound pictures, I promise to put them up soon.

Pregnancy Symptoms

As much as I am enjoying being pregnant, it seems like each week I am in for a new surprise. One week it was heartburn, then dry heaves, and now it is morning sickness. It all started on Monday. I ate my bagel and cream cheese and I was just chatting with my sister. The next thing I know I am running to the bathroom. I had been so proud of myself because I made it till then without visiting John.

I originally thought that it was because I ate to early that morning, so on Tuesday I waited till 10 or 11 to finally eat. Well, that didn't change a thing I still ended up running to John and tossing my cookies. Wednesday I tired eating smaller amounts and spread out but to no avail. So I have officially given up trying to avoid morning sickness and I am just embracing it. So today instead of eating a large breakfast I just a had a little. Just as predicted a few minutes later I was saying hi to John again.

I think the most annoying thing about morning sickness on Monday was it was accompanied with red spots all around my eyes and on my neck. I later decided that were broken blood vessels. My face now is almost completely healed and I am hoping that it doesn't happen again.

After 4 days in a row of visiting John I am hoping that just like all my other pregnancy symptoms that it only lasts a week or maybe 2 weeks. I really hope we are done after that because I go back to work the following week and it is going to be hard to set up my classroom if I am running off to visit John all the time. Plus it would be even harder to teach students.

Cross your fingers with me that the morning sickness passes and it is replaced with a new pregnancy symptom or we can just be done with pregnancy symptoms. :)