Ant 7 Months

Age: 7months
Weight: 15lbs 10oz
Eating: Nursing when I am home and loves solid foods. You put it in front of him and he will eat it or want to eat it.
New Tricks: Rolling all over the room. He is also turning and scooting all over.
Talking: Maaama and Haaaay. He really gots the AAAA sound down.
Favorite Toy: He isn't pick just as long as he can put it in his mouth. If he can chew it he likes it.
Sleep: Ant continues to be a great sleeper. At night he goes down around 9pm and sleeps till about 7am. No he isn't sleeping straight through the night. He isn't suppose to because he is breastfed. We get up about 3am for a dream feed. Naps are going great we have 1 long nap and 2 short naps.

At time I wonder if it can get better then this and as soon as I think it can't Ant does something new. Right now he is sooo close to crawling.

Daycare is going great. He is well fed and taken care of. I am still heartbroken that I can't be home with him but you have to do what is best for your family. I don't mind working but I would rather spend my days chasing Ant.

This next month is going to be a hard one. DH is going to be gone, so I will be a single mom for a MONTH!!!

The pictures were taken just about 2 weeks ago. Getting portraits done with a baby are hard. You have to schedule it during a time when you think they are going to be happy and awake. Sometimes that is easier said then done. Anyways I hope you enjoy them. I know I enjoy looking at them.

The Infertile Next Door

The past 6 months I have been sitting in my Breastfeeding support group thinking most of these women are the fertile people I longed to be. The longer I attend this group the more I learn about each of them. After about a month I learned one of the women has PCOS and after she changed her diet and added exercise she got pregnant with her daughter after about 4+ years of TTC. This was the first of many discoveries, that I wasn't the only IFer sitting in the room.

A few weeks ago Ant and I apeared in a local news cast and I shared it with the group. I am proud of my IF journey because it has brought me the best joy in my life. I don't want to hide how that came about.

While we were getting ready to leave support group one of the mother's started talking about how she was surprised Ant was conceived through DE because he looks so much like me (I smiled). This conversation sparked her talking about her IVF. Then several of the other mothers talked about the same thing. Out of the 6 mothers there including myself 5 of us has been through IVF. I honestly think the other mother felt a little weird being the only one who conceived naturally. The funniest thing is I have been talking with many of these women for months and just now we started sharing our IF stories.

What this tells us is that more of us are suffering from IF then we really know. Why are we afraid? We didn't choose IF it choose us. Some of us conquer it and some of us don't but those of us who live it are changed. Take some time this week to discover your infertile friend next door. He or she might need you as much as you need them.

Anxiety is Back :(

Before I got pregnant I had terrible anxiety attacks or what I considered terrible. I wasn't worried about anything other then TTC and starting a family but I felt like I always had a heavy heart. Well over the last couple days it has been coming back. The high of pregnancy and BFing is wearing off. What am I going to do? I have throughly enjoyed this break and feeling sane for the first time in years. It might be time to talk to my PCP. I am just not ready to give up BF and I think the only way to get rid of this is to go on HRT which means no BFing :(

IF/BF How it Changed Me

I don't think I have a hard life but there have been some definite challenges in my life. The obvious challenge of TTC and my most recent challenge was breastfeeding. For many people these are both easy things but for me I like to say I have to do things the hard way or I just want to be an expert on both topics.

My challenges through TTC have made me an expert on how the reproductive system works. When I here people talking about it I instantly want to jump in. It still amazes me how little most women know about reproduction (I was one of them). I knew there was a fertile time but I only had an idea when that happened. Some people have no clue or aren't even trying and they end up pregnant (this fact amazes me). Once you learn the ins and outs of TTC it is amazing how people actually get pregnant.

As for Breastfeeding, I don't know if I thought it was going to be be easy but I definitely didn't think it would be as hard as it was for Ant and myself. At times I was sure I was going to give it up. What helped me survive was the mini victories. Our first victory was actually starting to nurse again and each progressive victory till he was nursing full-time.
We had lots of bumps in the road: supply issues, duct issues, latch issues, pain issues, etc. You name it, it probably happened to me.

Through these challenges it has made me appreciate both Ant and breastfeeding more then i could ever imagine. When realized I was going to have to go back to work I was heart broken but I knew it was what I had to do. When my schedule threatened to prevent me from pumping, I made sure to voice my opinions and my rights as a breastfeeding mother. I worked way to hard and way to long to give up breastfeeding now.

The funny thing is these two challenges have balanced me. Breastfeeding Ant makes me not long for another child ( I still want one) but I am willing to wait. My battle through IF made it so I had the confidence to battle through the ups and downs of breastfeeding. These two challenges have made me more confident in my opinions and more willing to speak up for myself and my rights. The shy innocent girl who started TTC over 4 years ago is such a distant memory. Even the heart broken women dreaming of a baby seems so far away. I never thought I could put my IF behind me but at time I find it hard to remember how I felt.

At time I fear forgetting the pain because I always want to be able to relate my IF friends who are still struggling but for now it is a welcome relief. For the moment I can live my life and not think about what could have been. I am living the life I was meant to have.